Dear Queenie,

Years ago I dated this guy for several months until he broke up with me just like that. A couple of weeks later he wanted to get back together but he never mentioned that he was getting married that same week, which I found out later from someone else.

We’ve been seeing each other ever since he got married and sometimes he says he’s going to get a divorce but it never happens. I don’t want to break up his marriage but I love him too much to just give him up.

Queenie, what should I do?—Byside

Dear Byside,

This guy is a classic example of wanting to have his cake and eat it too. He will never leave his wife unless she gets wise to him and gets rid of him, but he will hang on to you as long as you let him – and very likely you are not (or will not be) his only byside.

Even if his wife does divorce him and he turns to you, you can bet your bottom dollar he will cheat on you the way he is cheating on her.

If you really do not want to break up his marriage, dump him!! Do it now, before you cause his wife and yourself irreparable harm, if you have not already done so.

Dear Queenie,

Many years ago my husband cheated on me and his byside had a son by him. We managed to keep our marriage together and he hasn’t cheated again (as far as I know).

He always gave his son’s mother financial support and visited his son occasionally. The son also comes to visit us occasionally during school vacations.

Queenie, my question is: How do I introduce this boy to strangers?—Puzzled wife

Dear Wife,

Technically, the boy is your stepson. You can just introduce him by name, with or without adding that he is your stepson or that he is your husband’s son.

Dear Queenie,

My husband won’t eat anything but dairy products, bread and pasta. He eats cheese and drinks milk, which are healthy enough, but he won’t eat meat or even try fruits or vegetables or any new dish I offer him

Up to now I have managed by making meals that include both the things he will eat and the healthy things I want – he eats the things he likes and leaves the rest. But now we have a baby and I am afraid he will follow his father’s example and grow up to be a picky eater. I worry about his health and his father’s.

Queenie, what do you suggest I do?—Worried mother

Dear Mother,

For the time being you can arrange for your child to eat at a different time than you and your husband, so he does not have a chance to follow his father’s example. You also should consult your family doctor, and maybe a nutritionist, to learn just what elements are necessary for a healthy diet.

There also are cookbooks that specialise in including healthy ingredients in foods for picky eaters, like soups, spaghetti sauces and even desserts.

Finally, your doctor can recommend vitamin supplements – some of which you might even be able to sneak into the picky eaters’ foods, if necessary.

Dear Queenie,

My wife and her sister are very close and always seem to be together or talking to each other on the phone. We don’t ever seem to get any time alone together, because her sister always seems to be there or to show up soon after we start. It gets to be so much that when she stays overnight with us sometimes I wonder why she isn’t there sleeping with us in our bed!

Queenie, am I making too much of this like my wife says or is this just too much togetherness?—Three’s a crowd

Dear Crowded,

Are these sisters perhaps twins? Twins often do seem to have a special bond.

That said, you are not making too much of this. There is a reason the marriage vows include the phrase “forsaking all others.”

Your wife should not have to give up her sister’s company altogether, but she should be willing to schedule a reasonable amount of “alone time” for just the two of you.

Dear Queenie,

My boyfriend can’t seem to do anything without talking it over with his older sister – manage his finances, getting a pet, making a doctor appointment, how things are going at work, etc., etc. etc. She even covers for him when he has a problem, like a bank overdraft or late filing a tax return.

He never talks to me about these things, even when I try to have a conversation with him about one of them. Then if I complain that he is ignoring me he says I am making a big thing out of nothing.

Queenie, he’s a grown man! Why can’t he handle things for himself?—Disgusted girlfriend

Dear Girlfriend,

Apparently your boyfriend has been relying on his sister for so long he never developed the habit of looking out for himself.

Aside from the question of competing with your boyfriend’s sister for his attention, you should be asking yourself if you really would rather have the hassle of taking care of this boy-man’s affairs for him instead of his sister. Or would you rather look for a boyfriend who is mature enough to look out for himself?

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