Dear Queenie,
My husband and I separated a few months ago and are getting a divorce. The reason why we separated is that he found out I was having an affair. But he had been going with other women all the time we were married and he has children by some of his bysides.
My problem is my 16-year-old daughter. She doesn’t know about the bysides and the outside children and she blames me for the breakup.
She wants to go live with her father. What she doesn’t know is that he doesn’t want her because she will interfere with his seeing all those other women because he still doesn’t want her to find out about them and his other children.
Queenie, I don’t want to be the one to tell her what kind of man her father is, but there’s no living with her the way things are. How do I handle this?—Caught in the middle
Dear Caught in the middle,
Your daughter is old enough to know the truth about her father and your marriage to him. If he doesn’t want her to know the truth, too bad for him. If he is so ashamed of what he has done, and is still doing, he shouldn’t have done and still be doing it.
In fact, I’m surprised she doesn’t already know. Secrets like that can’t be kept for long on this small island. When you tell her, you may be surprised to find out that she already knows the truth and is angry at you for doing the same as her father.
I would suggest family counselling for you and your daughter. She clearly needs it, and I’m sure you would benefit as well. If you can persuade your husband to go too, so much the better. It might even save your marriage, if there is anything left to save
