Dear Queenie,
I have a 13-year-old daughter and she is getting out of control. When I speak to her it is as if I said nothing, because she goes and does what she wants anyway. I beat her, I punish her and it still doesn’t work. All she wants to do is go on the road whenever she wants and never know when to come back.
When I tell her to do anything, I have to tell her over and over, and in school she’s answering the teacher and when the teacher tells her to tell me she goes by her father and tells him and he never tells me anything. I find out when I go to visit the school or look in her books in the evening.
Queenie, I have tried everything.—Don’t know what to do
Dear Don’t know what to do,
You seem to have serious communication problems with your daughter, and possibly with her father as well.
Punishing your daughter and abusing her won’t help the situation, but will only make matters worse. With that kind of treatment, it is no wonder she only wants to go out and not come home!
Instead of telling your daughter and scolding her, try just talking to her and really listening to what she has to say.
Ask her father to inform you when there is a message from your daughter’s teacher. Speak to her teacher, explain the problem and ask her/him to communicate with you directly when there is a problem.
Both you and your daughter would probably benefit from counselling. At the very least, a professional could help you both learn to communicate without hostility. Ask your daughter’s school counsellor for help, or ask the Women’s Desk to refer you to a counsellor.
