Dear Queenie,
I’m in my 50s and have been married for a couple of years to a man who has a teenage son who has started drinking and using drugs and a mother who has been very sick.
My husband used to be romantic, giving me flowers and taking me out on “dates”, but not so much anymore, but he still expects me to have sex with him whenever he wants without any “romance” leading up to it and he doesn’t think I’m being fair to him if I’m not in the mood. I suggested we get counselling, but he won’t go.
Queenie, is he right and I’m wrong?—Fed-up wife
Dear Wife,
This is not about who is right or wrong.
Your husband is under a lot of stress with his mother and son, but he still wants to connect with you and, like a lot of men, to him that means sex, not romance.
Tell him that you need him to be a little bit “romantic” once in a while (maybe once a week?) and you will not feel so neglected, but if he cannot manage even that, it would seem he was faking that attitude before.
