Dear Queenie,
I have been dating a man who has been a widower for several years. Mostly he’s fun to be with, except when he starts talking about his dead wife. He goes on about her as if she was a saint, which I know she was not.
He raves about how wonderful she was and how happy they were, when I happen to know they used to fight like cats and dogs.
I’m getting sick of hearing about her, but I want to keep seeing this man and I don’t want to insult him by telling him to shut up about her.
Queenie, why does he do this? And how can I get him to stop?—Next wife (I hope)
Dear Next wife,
Apparently this man was very much in love with his wife in spite of all the fighting. Or possibly he feels guilty about the fighting now that she is gone and so is remembering his marriage “through rose-coloured glasses.”
He may also be using his reminiscences to keep you at a distance because he is not ready for a serious relationship.
Try telling him his first wife sounds so wonderful you could never live up to the standard she set. His reaction should give you some idea of his feelings for you and how (and whether) to proceed with the relationship.
Do not under any circumstances say anything negative to him about his first wife, unless you want to see the last of him.
