By Roxanne
So I’m a monogamous person. I don’t date or love multiple men at once, if I can help it. But once – really it wasn’t my fault! – I had to bring out Ms. Player and deal with two men during one night out.
I was dating ‘X’ at the end of February. Mr. X was a yachtie and about a week later, his boat was to leave to St. Barths and not return! So he left and to my surprise, I met another great guy just a few days later. Let’s call him ‘Y’.
It was the regatta and, of course, those are nights no one can miss! I would be meeting guy Y at the stage area. About an hour before the concert was to start, as I was finishing up my makeup and hair, I got a phone call from X: “Guess what? I’m back for a night! I’ll see you at the regatta concert, ok?”
Dilemma:
Option 1: Tell him I moved on about 24 hours after he left and was meeting another guy.
Option 2: Introduce X to Y and hope that they are into threesomes?
Option 3: Play two guys in one night.
Option 1 would just make me seem like a bit of a slut moving on so quickly, and I liked Mr. X, I didn’t want him to think badly of me or that I didn’t care about our week together!
Option 2 wouldn’t be likely to work, I’m also still in a debate if I want a two-man threesome if it did.
So that left option 3, which, thanks to the large regatta concert, could actually work.
So I met Y at the stage and I told X to meet me on the other side of the party at one of the bars. X had to be back on the boat from 11:00pm to 2:00am, so it was actually easier than I had expected. I met Y at the stage at 9:00, danced a bit, told him I had to go to the bathroom (which in the regatta isn’t strange if it takes 30 min or more), met up with X, had a drink, then told X I had to go to the bathroom; danced with Y, told Y I’d get us some drinks and he’d hold our spot; went back to X, had a drink with him until he left to go to the boat. I then bought two drinks for Y and spent three hours with him. Then at 2:00am, I had to make a decision to either spend the rest of the night with Y or with X. I decided on X as he was there for one more night only and I told Y I’d go to dinner with him the following night.
Conclusion: It can be complicated juggling a few men at a time, but it is possible.
But wasn’t this kind of wrong? I mean I would HATE it if I found out a guy had put me in the same situation. So yes, I guess it was, but of course that was because (1) it’s a bit sketchy to juggle two men in one night and (2) I wasn’t honest about it. On the other hand, I’d say dating a few men at the same time is perfectly fine. You aren’t doing anything wrong by juggling; you are just spreading your wonderful presence in the dating pool, making yourself available to what you truly seek and getting lots of free food in the process.
Juggling also helps you not to come on too strongly on one person and scare Mr. Right away; but there are always a few rules to follow.
Rule #1: Honesty is essential to any juggling scenario. Let the guys know that they are not the only one you are talking to or seeing. I know that you might be scared to do this, thinking that it will scare them off. However, it has been my experience that being upfront about it only increases your attractiveness.
Rule #2: You need to have a way of keeping the guys straight. Use a notebook, a little black book, a calendar, Outlook Express or your PDA. Yes, your brain can be an effective tool as well, but having somewhere else that has everything stored would be even better. You don’t want to be at home having a movie night with Jerry when Tom knocks on the door to pick you up; do you?
Rule #3: While juggling, please bear in mind that under no circumstances are you supposed to sleep with any of the men. You are just dating, not training to be on the next season of The Bachelorette. However, I encourage kissing on the first date. That way, if he can’t kiss, you will know early enough that you guys don’t have chemistry so you should keep the intimacies light – first- and second-base stuff – like kissing, making out and holding hands. These are all acceptable while you are juggling. Be sure to communicate that you aren’t going to have sex with him and don’t lead him on physically. I tend not to have sex outside of an exclusive relationship, and articulate this early enough for the sake clarification. And if you live by a different motto, just be sure to protect yourself at all times.
Rule #4: Keeping guys in rotation is an involved process and time shouldn’t be wasted on guys that you don’t even like. If you decide that he’s not worthy of your attention, let him know you are just not available anymore. You don’t have to go into any reasons, just be sure to firmly state that you are no longer available to date.
Rule #5: Okay, so you’ve juggled men for a few months and you’ve finally found one that you can imagine settling in with for a while. Before you drop the other guys out of your rotation, Mr. Right must articulate to you that he wants you two to be exclusive. When he does ask you, tell him you will think about it and get back to him. During this thinking period, gently cut the other guys out of rotation by telling them you would like to explore the depths of a relationship with this other guy you have been seeing.
Rule #6: Finally, tell Mr. Right that you would like to try to have a deeper relationship with him. Boom!
