“I don't know what you heard about me
But someone can't get a dollar out of me
No Cadillac, no perms, you can't see
That I'm a motherlovin' P-I-M-P”
So apparently, I’m a hoe.
WOW. WOW. WOW. WHAAAAAAAT? That’s how you want to start this piece, Cam? Really?
If you ask anyone, who knows me, they would tell you that I generally don’t care what people have to say about me. Unless you’re in my inner circle, your opinion of me is pretty much like the internet service on Sint Maarten. I’ll let you pick a word to describe it, lol.
In 2018, I “had a white girl on the French side pregnant”. That news even reached HOLLAND and back. I must be a celebrity. I guess hanging out with your friends that are pregnant automatically makes you the baby’s father, but to my knowledge, I have never gotten someone pregnant. However, I had purposely posted pictures to fuel those rumours, so I am partially to blame. LOL!
Last year, I was sleeping with a client and that’s why she was booking me to take pictures for her company. Obviously, that was a lie. It was just my A1 photography skills and customer service, but that didn’t stop the lie from being said, though.
Last year, I was also dating a new member at The Box where I coached. Because she was my boo-thang, she got free membership. I guess she was paying me directly and it wasn’t with gas – *wink wink* – lies again. All I did was charm her with the beauty of CrossFit, take her away from a regular life at the gym and introduce her to a life she came to love. A CrossFit life – one filled with hopes and dreams and PRs. (You can sign up at www.colosseumsxm.com – MAN, that was a good plug!
Last year, I was also sleeping with an underage girl. Apparently, I was trying to get with her older sister and when that didn’t work, I attempted to prey on the weaker sibling. I mean that’s how the animals do it, right? More lies. Wow! I don’t even have anything to say about this, because it’s so made up that I don’t know who it is made up about. LOL. Plus, I’m always Alpha – THE Alpha. I prefer the challenge of a good fight. Je weet toch.
Killin’ em!
And 2019 was a YEAR, boy.
Man. I thought I was a good storyteller. I thought I was on top of the world with the work that I do with my photography and my writing and now with this video stuff. I’m not a videographer by any means, but I’m a little nice with the motion too. You smell me?
Fast forward to a “likkle twe’twee” and now I have a new girlfriend at The Box. Wait, my bad that meant “little 20-20”. I don’t know when we started dating AND I don’t know why she would date me since she can’t get the “free membership privileges” from me anymore. I guess she just wants to give me gas.
Sheesh. I’m killin’ with the punchlines today.
Seg-way. Yeah.
The gas she’s apparently giving me is being used to fuel the “Hoe-Mobile”. I tinted my car. After driving in a fish tank for about four years, I finally slapped some tint pon she. In all seriousness, it’s just because the sun is hot and my tattoos and I can’t deal with the heat. However, if I can fuel the narrative that I’m sleeping with people I shouldn’t be, then that’s a fun little bonus for me. Lol.
I’m not sure who said it, but apparently all publicity is good publicity.
And what better way to boost my status as being arguably one of the best storytellers on the island, than to add to a perfectly written narrative of my life.
I mean, you guys voted for me, okay. So this isn’t coming from a cocky or egotistical place, but I do feel that my ability to tell stories through my various art forms is a bit unmatched. (Book me. Book me.)
This piece was fun to write. I had some good laughs thinking back on all the things people have said about me. And I know there’s so much more laughter to come now that the Hoe-Mobile is here.
But in the words of the great 50 Cent, “She like my style, she like my smile, she like the way I talk. She from the country. Think she like me ’cause I'm from New York.”
HAAAANNNN
*Yo, Siri. Babe. Play P.I.M.P. by 50 Cent*
