By Caribbean Comedian Onicia Muller
When I was a teenager, I was dragged to a 5LINX business opportunity presentation. It was the early 2000s and they were promoting their new VOIP phone calling system. Here’s how I remember the question and answer segment going. *smirks in snot-nosed teenager*
5LINX: Yes, a question from the youth. Listen up folks, the young lady has a question. She’s ready to make 6-figures!
ONICIA: Isn’t this product just like Skype except Skype is free?
5LINX: Kind of… except Skype doesn’t call landlines. We’re cheaper to call than the local phone company.
ONICIA: Skype calls landlines, and there’s no monthly fee for calling.
5LINX: Yes, there are monthly fees for Skype.
ONICIA: No, you can buy a month-long subscription, but there’s no monthly fee just to have access to Skype. You pay what you want when you want.
5LINX: Well, with Skype, you’re stuck to your computer. We give you a phone that has a 3-hour battery life. You can make calls anywhere you have an Internet connection.
ONICIA: Skype is on my laptop. I can take my laptop anywhere, and it has an 8-hour battery life. Also, Skype has hand-held phones if you really want that phone holding experience.
5LINX: Well, Skype doesn’t give you the business opportunity that 5LINX does. If you sign up two people, you’ll cover your monthly phone fees.
ONICIA: Sure, but then you also have fees from calling and the fees from running a 5LINX business.
5LINX: Just sign more people up, and you’ll be on your way to building a 6-figure legacy.
ONICIA: But those people won’t want to sign up because Skype exists.
5LINX: Just introduce them to the business opportunity.
ONICIA: But if they have the business opportunity, then they are no longer my phone client. And what if everyone on the island is doing the business opportunity then there won’t be any phone customers.
5LINX: Does anyone else have questions?
ONICIA: Well, can we just sign up for the phone system?
5LINX: But if you do that you’re gonna miss out on the new business owner bonus discount that we’re offering just for today.
ONICIA: That’s nice but wouldn’t it be wise to test the product first before you buy the business opportunity?
5LINX: But why would you want to miss out on the bonus discount?
ONICIA: That’s just saving a hundred dollars. If the business opportunity will have me earning 6-figures in no time, then that small loss doesn’t matter.
5LINX: A wise person would grab all the savings while they can.
ONICIA: *raises hands*
5LINX: Is anyone here ready to start building their legacy and earning a 6-figure income?
5LINX came, took our money, and never looked back. Folks, if it walks like a triangle, and talks like a triangle, it must be a reverse funnel system. There is no money in MLMs, network marketing, or pyramid schemes. Did you sign up for a 5LINX business in the early 2000s? I wanna hear from you.
Award-winning Caribbean comedian, Onicia Muller’s weekly humour column, Just Being Funny is chicken soup for the naive sceptic’s soul. You can hire her to write anything from blogs and newsletters to bathroom poetry funny greeting cards. Join her newsletter for funny stories and stand-up comedy. OniciaMuller.com.
