By Comedic Storyteller Onicia Muller
“Hi, I’m Rebecca from American Income Life Insurance Company. I’m Roberto’s insurance broker. I’m going to be in town tomorrow and thought it was a good opportunity to tell you about our insurance packages. When would be a good time for you?”
Insurance? Meetings? I was two episodes deep into a Love and Hip Hop Hollywood binge so I’d lost a few brain cells. However, I had not lost so many as to agree to meet a stranger to talk about insurance coverage.
“Who are you?” At my request, she repeated her introductory statement.
“Um, do you guys have a website?” That was a legit request – I hadn’t yet clocked that American Income Life Insurance Company was a scam.
Her voice began to crack. Her words were mumbled. “Um. Well. There’s so much information that we find it easier to just explain to you in person.”
“Okay. But I’d want to read about the company before I commit to an in-person meeting.”
“So the thing is we don’t really advertise.” She stopped speaking. I – like a tebbe – waited for her to resume speaking and provide me with their URL. What company operating in the modern age doesn’t have a website? I said “what company”, not “what legit company” because if you want people to give you money, you need a website. PERIODT.
“SoOoOo, I just google the company’s name?” I asked.
“Um, yes...but--” Her voice trailed off again. The telephonic stare-down was completely asinine so I ended the call.
Uncertain whether my friend was in danger, I texted Roberto about the encounter, which smelled like an MLM scheme.
“It is! I got roped in when a friend gave them my name in order to earn a referral check. At the end, they asked me to refer people too. Sorry!!”
I wasn’t upset with Roberto. In texting him, I realized that he had warned me about American Life, but that was months ago.
“Don’t be sorry. You warned me and it was a good bit of entertainment. I hope they call back. I need content for ‘Scams, Swindles, and Schemes’.” We laughed it off but I was disappointed. “Dammit! That was my chance to save someone from a pyramid *rage*.”
“Ha, the scam is so transparent! ‘You can look us up, but we strongly urge you not to.’ You practically foiled your own kidnapping!”
“I KNOW!!!”
Shout out to all my network marketers. At this point, I should read multi-level marketers (MLM) for filth, but I don’t have it in me – TODAY. Like, don’t you hear the hesitation in your voice? Y’alls scam is sooo transparent! Do like Roberto – confess that you were conned and move on. Please! Please quit before you lose all your money and friends.
Created on St. Maarten; based in Chicago, Onicia Muller (@OniciaMuller) is an award-winning comedic storyteller. She writes and says funny things, and enjoys hanging with creative minds. “Just Being Funny” is a weekly reflection where Onicia laughs at life. Visit www.OniciaMuller.com/JBF
