Dear Editor,
So the picture is front page the other day. A guy on a 450 motocross bike doing a wheelie in traffic and suddenly it’s a national scandal. “Do you know this man! Turn him in to the police immediately,” the story screams. It’s an outrage.
I have news for you. Everybody on the island knows this guy. We see him every single day, 100 times a day. He is part of the scooter gangs that terrorize Simpson Bay on weekend nights. He is the guy pretending he is Marc Marquez at a 45-degree lean angle at 60mph on his 900cc Katana coming straight at you in the wrong lane on a blind corner. He is one of the mob of wannabe Tour de France riders all spiffed up in their xxxl spandex that take over Airport Road every night during rush hour blocking traffic riding 3 abreast making sure there is a line of traffic behind them that stretches for a quarter of a mile. He is the leader of the quad parades that feel they can block roundabouts so their tourist parade of toy vehicles that are illegal for the roads in every civilized jurisdiction on earth can make sure that everyone that follows them never ever gets where they are actually going in any reasonable manner.
He is, again, the quad guy riding up the center line of the road on his toy that is as wide as an I10 as if he is on some 25cc Vespa so you either hit him head on or drive on the sidewalk to miss him. He is the guy on the unmuffled 450 Yamaha that spends his afternoons and evening running up and down doing tricks on Little Bay Road making everyone that lives there insane.
Unfortunately I am limited to only 1,500 words here so I can’t name all the various instances where “wheelie guy” makes himself known but there is no doubt in my mind that if you are reading this you know exactly “who” I am talking about. You have daily routine anarchy on the roads here and it is for one reason and one reason only. It is because you allow it.
Actually it goes beyond that. You condone it and encourage it. It is so completely natural for anyone that uses the roads here to assume that they can simply do whatever they want on whatever they want that it is the de-facto law. It’s not illegal to do this stuff, it’s actually the exception if you don’t do this stuff.
I don’t actually hate this. For me it just becomes the natural state of affairs to drive as aggressively as possible at all times because that seems to be the only way to avoid becoming part of some other idiot’s accident. Let it all happen behind me, so to speak. And philosophically I get it completely. The rush you get at speed on a good sport bike or the thrill of a near-death ride through traffic is hugely exhilarating especially for some 15-year-old on a scooter that he kluged together from stolen parts in his back yard. I get it completely. Except for the stolen parts part, that used to be me. Some would say it still is, but the point is that it is the hypocrisy of it all that is, frankly, sickening.
Some guy on a motogp sport bike vaporizes himself on Airport Road going 150mph and suddenly it’s a tragedy. There are wreaths and shrines and chest-beating and weeping. Why? He died being stupid. That was the risk he took. You don’t want to say he deserved it but, frankly, if he didn’t have the skills to stay alive doing it then better he killed himself alone rather than take someone else with him. One of your 15-year-olds on his junk scooter get killed because he wedged himself under the front bumper of a tourist rental car? Too bad. His risk, his loss. A minor tragedy maybe, but no surprise at all. Why? Because you allow it. It is simply the cost of doing business on the roads where there are no rules.
What do I mean by no rules? How about this – some time ago, I was downtown at the roundabout near the police station waiting behind a police car. As we waited, a guy on a 450 Yamaha passed the line of traffic doing a wheelie straight into the roundabout missing a couple cars by an inch or two. The two officers in the police car never even gave him a second look. So what does that tell the guy on the 450? Exactly what he already knows. He can do what he wants where he wants in whatever manner he chooses with no consequences.
Can you stop this? No, I don’t think so. It is all very much an ingrained cultural phenomenon. Guys that bought 175mph motogp sport bikes don’t do that to cruise at 15mph and wait in traffic lines and the scooter guys … well there is no changing their mentality ever. Only the law of natural selection and the availability of stolen parts will slow them down. But what you can do is make it expensive for them.
First there needs to be an ordinance passed today that says “Anything with wheels that uses the roads must have plates and insurance.” And I mean anything. The Tour de France wannabes all have “Share the road” stickers on their cars. What really needs to happen to these rolling roadblocks is for them to pay their share. They want to use the roads then pay your own way. Then maybe they might have some honest entitlement to their rolling road show.
And second there needs to be a “death penalty” for the serial reckless riders and drivers that are trying to kill everybody every day. Scooter gang rampaging through Simpson Bay on a Friday night? Road block, capture them and crush the scooters. Guy seen riding his sport bike or MX like a crazy person? Don’t fine him. That’s just money. Take the bike and crush it. That will be like killing his mother. Forget the soft target seat belt and turn-signal controls. Enforce what really matters.
There was another interesting tidbit in the paper the other day. In Australia they confiscated a guy’s $300,000 Lambo and auctioned it off because he was a serial reckless driver. The car had something like 800 miles on it. I’ll bet he remembers that lesson. They actually have a law there that lets them do it. Good for them. It would work here as well. The problem seems to be enforcement. Apparently, from what I’m told, most of the guys on the motogp bikes are the cops themselves.
Steven Johnson
