Dear Queenie,
I’m dating a guy that has been divorced for more than 3 years, but still spends a lot of time visiting his ex-in-laws. He goes to them on holidays and other special events, and sometimes he doesn’t have time for me and my kids because he has to go and see them.
Queenie, I don’t get it. What is going on here?—Puzzled
Dear Puzzled,
There are several possible explanations for his behaviour.
He may simply be very fond of them and unwilling to lose his relationship with them even though he is no longer married to their daughter.
He could be playing a subtle kind of control game with his ex-wife, or he could still be hoping to get back together with her, with her parents’ help.
If he had children with his ex-wife, it could be the only way he can get to see them, or the only way he can see them without having to face her.
And, of course, it could be a combination of some or all of the above.
If there are children involved, suggest he bring them to see you and your children and plan child-friendly things for all of you to do together.
If he is not willing to let his children know about you, or if, without children involved, he remains more interested in his former wife’s family than he is in you, I do not hold out much hope for your relationship with him.
