Dear Queenie,
I have 2 young children from a previous marriage. They do not remember their real father. He was not a very nice man and had no interest in them, before or after the divorce.
They think my present husband is their father and our children are their brothers and sisters. They even carry his name. I have never told them any differently, but I’m afraid someday someone will let the truth slip out and they will be upset and think I lied to them. But if I tell them and their feelings for my husband and his children change, everyone will be hurt.
Queenie, what should I do?—Undecided mother
Dear Undecided mother,
Tell all your children you were married once before. If they have questions, answer them honestly, but don’t give them more information than they ask for. You and your husband should make it clear to them that he considers them all his own children and loves the older ones as if they were. All your children should understand that you and your husband make no distinctions between them because of their birth.
The longer you put this off, the more likely it is that they will be upset by the news. If they grow up knowing it, they will take it for granted.
