Dear Queenie,
I don’t think very much of the man my daughter wants to marry. He only has a high-school education and works a low-paying job, spends all his money as fast as he gets it and doesn’t seem to have any ambition to do any better. I’ve tried to talk to my daughter about this, but she is in love with him and doesn’t want to hear any of it.
With all this in mind I get a sick feeling every time I think about planning their wedding.
Queenie, should I pretend to be happy about all this or tell her I don’t want anything to do with it?—Worried Mother
Dear Mother,
There is no rule of etiquette that says the parents of the bride must plan and pay for their daughter’s wedding. It is customary for them to do so as a gift, but it is not required of them.
Tell your daughter it is up to her and her fiancé to plan and pay for their own wedding (and honeymoon). Possibly the experience will give her some idea why you are so opposed to her marrying this man.
As for a wedding gift, offer to use the money you might have spent on the wedding to set up a trust fund for their children’s education (when, as and if they have any) – and if you do, be sure to set it up in a way that her husband cannot get his hands on any of that money.
