Dear Queenie,
I’ve been asked to be maid of honor at a friend’s wedding but my husband doesn’t want me to do it because he says it’s wrong for a married woman to be a maid of honor and besides it would mean I would be walked down the aisle by the best man and have my picture taken with him.
Queenie, should I listen to him or do it anyway?—Undecided
Dear Undecided,
Your husband is totally mistaken about it being wrong for a married woman to be a maid of honour at a wedding, although the term for such a situation probably should be “matron” of honour.
As for your walking down the aisle and being photographed with the best man, so what? The whole event will be so public that no one could possibly think any hanky-panky was going on and anyway, he will be right there to see everything
Dear Queenie,
After my father’s funeral some of the guests picked up the flowers they had sent to take them home. When I asked what was going on they said the flowers belonged to them because they had paid for them.
Queenie, were they right or were they very very rude?—Floral Etty Ket
Dear Etty Ket,
They were so far out of line that I cannot think of an appropriate word to describe it.
When a person sends flowers to someone for any kind of special occasion, be it a birthday or a funeral or whatever, the flowers, like any other gift, become the property of the recipient. Period. End of story!
Dear Queenie,
My husband and I have been married for almost 10 years and have a 2-year-old daughter. This is my husband’s second marriage and he has a son from that marriage who lives with the ex-wife.
My problem is that my mother-in-law keeps calling me by the first wife’s name. She helps us out by watching our daughter so it happens quite often. My husband thinks it’s not important and says I should just ignore it, but I can’t.
Queenie, is he right? If not, how should I handle it when it happens?—Second wife
Dear Second wife,
I disagree with your husband. I presume your mother-in-law also has contact with his ex-wife and her grandson, but she should be able to keep the two of you straight in her mind. If she does not take the trouble to do so, she is being downright rude to you. Make a point of correcting her – politely! – when she calls you by the wrong name.
And if it continues to happen, you might want to find out whether she also sometimes calls the ex by your name. If she truly cannot remember which of you is which, she may be having memory problems, a possible indication of approaching senility, in which case you should be careful about leaving a small child in her care and perhaps a complete check-up for your mother-in-law would be a good idea.
Dear Queenie,
When I go somewhere with a certain friend she keeps texting with her boyfriend all the time we’re together. When I complain about being ignored she tells me I don’t understand what it’s like to be in a relationship.
Queenie, I’m not jealous, I just think she’s being rude. Am I wrong to feel this way?—Texting Etty Ket
Dear Etty Ket,
You are not wrong. Good manners require giving your first attention to the person you are with.
Of course, it is possible your friend is afraid to let her boyfriend go more than a few minutes without some sort of communication with him, lest he find some other object of his attention. Why not ask her if that is the case, and see what her reaction is?
Dear Queenie,
I am married, but I decided to keep my maiden name for professional reasons. My husband has no problem with this, but our question is how should he (and other people) introduce me?
Queenie, should it be Miss or Mrs. Maiden-Name? Or what?—Introduction Etty Ket
Dear Etty Ket,
Your husband can say, “This is my wife First-Name Maiden-Name.”
Other people can say, “This Husband’s-Name’s wife First-Name Maiden-Name.”
Leave the “Miss” or “Mrs.” up to the person to whom you are introduced.
