A few weeks ago, I met a few guys through a mutual friend. One of the guys, let’s call him Mr. Ex, was dumped by his girlfriend a month ago and pretty broken up about it. That night she ended up being at the same bar we were drinking at. The guys said: Roxanne, pretend like you’re into Mr. Ex, his girlfriend would hate that. Normally I’d think… that’s a bit childish, but she had dumped him (after a two-year relationship), and started dating a new guy within a week, kind of a b****-move, so I went along with it. Within a week her friends were messaging his friends to ask who ‘that girl’ was. I guess she still did care on some level about him.
No one can question the fact that jealousy is a powerful motivator that affects both sexes. If you’ve been dumped, you are probably feeling insanely jealous about everyone whom your ex spends time with, where they’re going and who they’re talking to. You’re jealous of anything and everything that is going on in your ex’s life that no longer involves you.
Your ex believes that they were right to leave you. They have justified the break-up to themselves over and over again even before they went through with it. They’re watching you now because the last thing they want is to have their beliefs reversed.
All people have a natural, inherent curiosity on the part of those they have left behind. Even if they acted completely detached or uninterested in you or your feelings during the break-up, they can’t help but wonder what you’re up to. They want to see someone in a worse position than they are in themselves. That justifies their decision to break things off and puts them on the road to recovery. But jealousy can change their minds and can be used to get them back.
Jealousy must only be used with extreme caution. Like handling a live grenade, if it is incorrectly put into play, it can backfire. Your number one concern when using jealousy to try and win your ex back should be recognition. You don’t want to be obvious about what you’re trying to accomplish. No one wants to feel as if they’re being played or intentionally manipulated, and if your ex gets a hint of your intentions, it’s going to blow up in your face.
The rules are basically that you have to be happy (or fake it...?) - your ex should never catch you sitting alone twiddling your thumbs. They should not see your Facebook status updates about how bored or lonely you are. They should be seeing nothing but positive things from your side of the fence. Live it up and do it to the fullest. Throw yourself into life full-force and enjoy the ride.
It’s natural for people to assume things, and people rarely assume positive scenarios. It’s human nature to believe the worst, and your ex will do it without even realising it. If they see you spending time with someone else and getting close to that person, they will automatically assume you’re moving on and you’re leaving them behind in the process. Basically, it takes little effort on your part and really, it makes your ex do all the work. Of course, this isn’t the end of the road, if you want to get back with your ex, it will take a lot more work, most important is communication.
On the other hand, if your ex doesn’t seem jealous at all, he/she might be playing at the same game, or he/she might just be over you. Time to move on, otherwise you’re just going to get beaten at your own game.
