“It didn't work out with me an your mom
But yo, push come to shove, you was conceived in love
So if the world attacks, and you slide off track
Remember one fact, I got your back.”
What I definitely know is the type of father that I do not want to be. I want to be present. I absolutely want to be present.
You know, I have always thought this way; but I guess the thought has resurfaced of late and has been a point of ponder. I look at kids without a father present and I am just like, “How?”
Sometimes, when Danielle is sitting on my shoulders and she’s laughing, I think to myself, “How can any man (generally speaking) not want this? To be here. To be present.”
We were at the movies recently and someone that I know was there with his two daughters. Now his circumstances are a little different because his daughters live off island, so while they are here, I know that he’s trying to spend every moment possible with them. But it must still be so hard to not be with them on a daily basis – to have to see them leave soon, to not see them until their next big vacation.
A friend of mine recently had a birthday party for her son. Towards the end of the party, she passed him over to me and he fell asleep in my arms with his head on my shoulder. As I drew closer to the ceiling fan to make sure that he (and I too…lol) wasn’t hot, I again could not understand how somebody could run from this feeling. If he’s just my friend’s kid and it feels so amazing to have him fall asleep on me, I can only imagine that for his dad, it would feel 100 times more amazing.
Now to bring in my logical side; I get it. Situations happen, mistakes happen, accidents happen – and a guy can father a child unplanned. I must admit that I have put myself in situations in my life where I could have fathered a child unplanned. However, trust me, I would be as present as humanly possible in this child’s life, because that’s what a man would do and should do. A man should and has to take responsibility for his actions.
It would still kill me, though.
It would still kill me to not be there 24/7. It would kill me to miss moments, to miss seconds, to be absent even in the slightest. I just can’t understand how they do it – “they” meaning those “men” who father children and disappear, flake on responsibilities, not call, not show up. I just can’t begin to fathom how someone can consciously be that person.
A rational me would say to each his own, but the me that’s writing this has no room for rationalization when “WE’RE” out here proving that “Nigguhs ain’t sh*t”.
And in the event that anyone wants to take this piece personally, it’s been written for a while. So no shade intended, unless you’re hot.
*Aye yo Siri, play Just The Two Of Us by Will Smith.*
