“Please explain why they can't stand us
Is there a way for me to change?
Or am I just a victim of things I did to maintain?”
A lot of what I do depends on how I’m feeling in that moment: the types of picture I take; the types of music I listen to; whether I eat broccoli and steak or a double quarter pounder (lol); and, of course, how I’m feeling in the moment that I’m writing will affect what I write.
Castel helps me to override that tendency that can sometimes be a flaw. He reminds me, both subtly and directly, that sometimes you need to put your feelings aside and do the things that you need to. So much of what we do in our own lives affects the lives of others. So sometimes you just need to pull up your popsicle covered socks and do what needs to be done.
He has been a role model of mine for the last few years: A role model as a friend, brother, Christian, husband and father. Before I left for college in 2012, we would meet up once a week to vibe – it could’ve been Bible study, just to talk about our week or sometimes just to get food. When I left for college and started to struggle a bit with some personal issues, Castel set an alarm on his phone and texted me every day for what might’ve been two years to help keep me accountable.
Even now, years later, he still keeps me in check. He still makes sure that I’m “staying out of trouble.” He isn’t just that role model that is “above” me and I look up to; he always tells me that as much as I learn from him, he learns from me. (I personally think he’s crazy, but who am I to argue that, lol.) Another thing he does, which I hate, is remind me how much of a role model I am not just to him, but to people around me, and how much influence I have on persons in my social sphere.
You always hear that if you want to find something you’re passionate about, just look for the things that frustrate/upset you and try to fix them. I suppose I spent a long time being frustrated about not having role models growing up and using that frustration to avoid being “that” for anybody else. And I see it. I see the impact that I have on people, both within my generation and in the younger generation. Sometimes, you beat yourself up so much that even when you do have the knowledge, you can’t really apply it.
However, I plan to use (well continue to use) my platforms to turn my frustrations into passion. I understand how important it is to have someone that’s there for you; to have someone real and relatable to look up to; to have someone keep you accountable and call you “Dutty-Foot Hyman” when you need to get you shi-tuff together. (Sorry, Wanda, lol.) So given that and my popsicle socks pulling up, I needed to take Castel’s advice and wrap up this segment that I started a few weeks back.
Band moving…
*Cues Thugz Mansion by Tupac*
