By Roxanne
The music gradually got louder, bottles of Rose were ordered and soon my friends and I were dancing on the tables of the swanky beach club. As I tried to concentrate my muddled mind and body on not falling off the wooden surface while shaking to the sound of drums on a techno beat, I saw him and his friend arrive. “Him” was a guy I had recently met and developed a bit of a crush on. We had gone out the night before for the first time, and the date had ended on pretty good terms by making out for hours in the sand.
So tipsy me carefully get off the table and make my way through the crowd. We lock eyes. I walk up to him and he gives me a faint hug. Wanting more, I whisper into his ear, “I really want to kiss you.” But I’m shut down as he says, “I’m not into PDA.” Instantly upset, I walk away thinking, “He can be all over me when no one is watching, but can’t show his affection in public?” Suspicious and insecure, I instantly wonder why he was hiding his feelings. Was he embarrassed about me? Did he not want other girls to see? Were there other girls he was sleeping with?
Sober the next morning, I knew I had overreacted. First of all, we had only had one date. I would normally keep my relations with a guy on the DL for weeks before I would even tell my friends; to figure him and my feelings out before getting other opinions in the mix. I started wondering why I had overreacted and realised that my anger and insecurity had resonated from previous relationships: Guys who were sketchy, who did cheat, who did “hide” me and other girls with excuses to be able to fool around.
Is that why I needed for our connection to be validated in public? I never have been overly touchy in public. Did I want more PDA because I liked it, or because I wanted people to see him being affectionate towards me? I wonder the same thing when people complain about their partners not validating their relationship on Facebook. Does it really matter, or are you that insecure about your relationship? I came to the conclusion that I did need validation. But the majority of that validation should not come from my current crush or any other guy in my future; it had to come from myself.
I had been hurt but that did not make me less of a person, I needed to get back to knowing that a guy would be lucky to have me. That being said, for people in actual relationships, I do think a flicker of PDA is natural. No one wants to see a couple sticking each other’s tongue in their throats; but holding hands, a small peck, a slight squeeze on the arm to let your man know you’re thinking about him and the other way around is important. In a relationship, you’re supposed to make your partner feel special. Classy PDA is a definite do!
