Dear Queenie,
My boyfriend and I have been together for several years. His family like me and they weren’t a problem until recently.
A couple of months ago his mom and dad moved into a house just down the street from us. Since then his mother walks into our house whenever she feels like it.
We both work long hours and we like to sleep late on weekends, but she comes over first thing in the morning and if the door is locked and she doesn’t see us up and about she bangs on the door to wake us up, and if we ignore her she walks around banging on the windows.
My boyfriend has asked her to call us before she comes over, but either she “forgets” or she lets the phone ring and ring and ring and keeps calling again and again until we answer, and if we unplug it or turn it off she comes over and bangs on the door “to make sure we are all right.”
Queenie, I want to stay on good terms with her, but we want our privacy. Any suggestions?—At my wits’ end
Dear At my wits’ end,
You and your boyfriend could move to another house/apartment far enough away from his parents that his mother can’t conveniently “drop by” whenever she feels like it, but that is a rather drastic option, and you can’t keep moving away if they choose to follow you.
Arrange to have specific times when Mom is welcome to visit and let her son spell them out for her and explain that he doesn’t want her intruding on his private time with you. You might also invest in an answering machine for the phone and record a message such as, “We’re busy right now, so please call us back after (such-and-such a time) or leave a message and we’ll call you back when we are free.”
Don’t say anything to your boyfriend’s mother about her behaviour. That is up to him. If you say anything she will resent you for “coming between her and her son.” You might suggest that he discuss the problem with his father. Perhaps Dad can help keep his wife under control.
Keep your doors locked when you don’t want to see her, and let her son complain to her when she interrupts your sleep or whatever else you are doing.
If you have a fenced-in yard you might consider adopting a nice big dog or two, or three, and letting them run loose in the yard when you don’t want to be disturbed. That might discourage Mom – and other unwanted intruders – from dropping by unannounced.
