Dear Queenie,
I’m in my 20s and my fiancé is almost 30. We are planning to be married in a few months and very often he will spend the evening with me, having dinner, making plans, etc. Sometimes he even stays over.
When he does, his mother freaks out. She calls us up to ask if he is okay and why didn’t he call to let her know he was not coming home. But if he calls to tell her, she has a fit anyway because he won’t be home for dinner or whatever!
She even called my parents to ask them if they knew what was going on behind their backs! I have lived on my own since I finished school and my parents don’t try to run my life, but my fiancé still lives with his parents and his mother sure tries to run his!
Queenie, how can we get her off our backs?—Fed up fiancée
Dear Fed up fiancée,
As long as your fiancé lives in his parents’ house, he owes them the courtesy of calling to let them know if he will not be coming home for dinner, and if he decides to stay out all night.
However, your prospective mother-in-law appears to be having a major case of separation anxiety, and it is up to her son, your fiancé, to explain to her that he is an adult and she cannot expect to run his life anymore, especially after the two of you are married. If he is not able – or willing – to do so, and make it stick, I foresee more such problems in the future.
In the interest of maintaining family ties, I suggest you try to be patient with your future in-laws and spend a little more time with them. Right now your fiancé’s mother probably sees you as a rival trying to steal her little boy away from her.
If you can reassure her that you want a good relationship with her, it may help calm her down, and doing so will make things better for all concerned when your children – her grandchildren – come along.
