Dear Queenie,
I am a married woman that is in love for the first time, but not with my husband.
I am very much in love with this other man and he is also madly in love with me.
Queenie, it hurts badly, because I care very much for my husband, but I just never was in love with him and he is okay with it. I was abused as a child and never knew what real love was until I met this other man.
I don’t want to hurt my husband, so I can’t leave him. And I can’t cheat because it’s wrong.
We tried to avoid each other. We even tried to pretend that we never met. But whenever we would see each other on the road, we both go crazy all over again. It hurts so badly, Queenie.
Queenie, please help us to get over each other.—Very confused
Dear Very confused,
You say you never knew real love, but it seems to me your husband has real love for you and you must really love him if you are unwilling to hurt him.
The “mad love” you are describing seems more like physical passion and/or a crush than real love. If you give it time, the feelings will fade. And, as you seem to be an honourable woman, I doubt whether you could be truly happy with this other man if your happiness was bought at the price of your husband’s pain.
The worst thing you could do is to give in to your passion, only to have the affair run its course and realise that you had sacrificed your marriage for it.
When you married you vowed to “forsake all others.” This did not mean that you would never again have feelings for anyone but your husband. It meant that even if you did, as in this case, you promised to turn away from the other man and remain faithful to the one you married.
Now it is time for you to keep that vow. As difficult as it may seem at the moment, I am sure you will find it rewarding in the long run.
