Dear Queenie,
My mother always says she doesn’t want any gifts on special occasions and if I give her something anyway she says she didn’t want any gifts and then makes all sorts of rude comments about the way it is wrapped and what is she supposed to do with whatever it is.
Queenie, what am I doing that is so wrong?—Fed-up daughter
Dear Daughter,
You are ignoring your mother’s statements that she does not want to receive any gifts. Try, just once, not giving her a gift and see what she says then. If she says nothing, or even thanks you for not giving her anything, you will know you are conforming with her expressed wishes.
If you feel you must give a gift to honour a special occasion, try making a donation in your mother’s name to her favourite charity and give her a card from them acknowledging the donation. If even that is too much for her, at least you will have tried to find a compromise between her feelings and yours.
Dear Queenie,
My daughter is very good about remembering my birthday and Mothers Day and Christmas, but she always forgets my anniversary. I always remind her when it is coming up, but she just ignores it.
Queenie, what’s going on with her?—Annoyed mother
Dear Mother,
Is there something about your marriage that your daughter does not wish to acknowledge? Are (or were) there problems in your marriage such that she considers celebrating an anniversary to be hypocritical? Were you widowed or divorced and now your daughter feels that your current marriage is an insult to her father’s memory?
Whatever her reason for forgetting or ignoring your anniversary, concentrate on the occasions she does remember and be grateful for that.
Dear Queenie,
When my husband is working on his computer and I am watching TV in another room he often comes in to make comments on whatever I am watching and tell me the noise from my TV is distracting him from his work.
Queenie, how can I get him to stop distracting me from my TV shows?—Distracted wife
Dear Wife,
Try using headphones to listen to your TV. Then there will be no “noise” from the TV to distract your husband from his work and he in turn will have no reason to distract you from your TV.
Dear Queenie,
My girlfriend is away at college and we promised to wait for each other until she gets home, but I’m getting so lonely and bored because there’s nothing to do without her except going out with my male friends and they are always looking for girls and dates.
Queenie, I love my girlfriend and I want to be with her when she comes home, but what can I do in the meantime?—Lonesome dude
Dear Dude,
Keep in close touch with your girlfriend via e-mail and social media.
I suspect you will find – if you are both being honest with each other – that she feels much the same way you do, so perhaps you should grant each other a little more freedom on the social front. If the two of you are meant to be together you will be, when she comes home.
Also, it is possible to socialise without getting romantically involved. Join a service club or organisation and spend some time helping others who need assistance. It will keep you busy and in touch with all sorts of other people, without looking for romance.
Dear Queenie,
My father and my fiancée’s mother met while we were planning our wedding and now they tell us they have been seeing each other for a while and now they are getting engaged and plan to be married next year.
Queenie, is it okay for me and my wife to be married if my father is married to her mother?—Worried son-in-law
Dear Son-in-law,
If your father marries your mother-in-law, you and your wife will become step-brother and -sister, which is not a “blood” relationship and would not prevent the two of you from marrying each other if you had not already done so.
I admit the situation may be difficult to explain to people who do not already know you, but it may even make an interesting topic of conversation.
