Dear Queenie,

  My husband is not usually a big drinker, but when he goes out with his friends who are, he gets drunk with them and then he drives home drunk, which scares me to death until he gets home safe. Except when he is with these friends he hardly ever drinks at all.

  Queenie, is there any way to handle this?—Sober wife

Dear Wife,

  Have you talked this over with your husband? Perhaps he does not realise how worried you are about him.

  When he is out with these friends he could tell them he will not drink anything alcoholic because he is the “designated driver.” Or he could quietly order non-alcoholic beverages.

  If he is unable to refuse to get drunk with his friends he has a drinking problem, whether or not he admits it. Alcoholics Anonymous (see Agenda, page 2 of this newspaper) might be able to help him if you can persuade him to get in touch with them, and Al-Anon (al-anon.alateen.org) might help you learn to cope with his problem.

Dear Queenie,

  I have been together with my girlfriend all through high school and we are going to be going to the same university after we graduate. We think it would be a good idea to get an apartment together so we can share expenses instead of living in separate apartments or in dormitories, which will be much more expensive, but our parents won’t even talk about the idea.

  We are both old enough to do whatever we want, but we don’t want to be on the outs with our families.

  Queenie, how can we get them to agree with us?—High school senior

Dear High school senior,

  I am afraid I have no good answer to the question you have asked, because I agree with your parents. Going away to university will mean many big changes in your lives, and you and your boyfriend will have more than enough to cope with without the added strain of actually living together with a “love partner” for the first time in your lives.

  What I suggest is that you go along with what your parents want for at least the first year of university. After that you will have more experience and will be in a better position to persuade your parents – that is, if you still want to share an apartment.

Dear Queenie,

  My mother is a wonderful person and we all love her very much, but she does love to boss us around and she always wants everything done her way, even if we would prefer something different – not better or worse, just different.

  Now she wants to go on a long vacation trip with us and we know it won’t even be before a day has gone by that she will make us crazy.

  Queenie, how do we say “no,” that we love her but we don’t want to travel with her?—Annoyed daughter

Dear Daughter,

  Some parents are so in the habit of telling their children what to do and how to do it that they do not – or cannot – stop once the children have grown up.

  When she starts “bossing you around” tell her – as sweetly as you can manage – “Mom, I am all grown up now and I prefer to do it my way – and it is very annoying when you treat me like a child.” Hopefully, she will (eventually) get the message and learn to change her ways, at least a little bit.

Dear Queenie,

  My husband is a lot older than I am and already has children and grandchildren from his first marriage.

  Queenie, I have never had any special wish to have children, but how can I know if I will ever be sorry if I don’t?—Can’t decide

Dear Can’t decide,

  I cannot tell fortunes or read the future, so I cannot answer your question. This is something you will have to discuss with your husband, because of course it involves him as well.

  He may not wish to have children the same age as or younger than his grandchildren. Also, being step-grandmother to his children’s children may give you some idea of how you would feel about being a mother.