Dear Queenie,
My wife’s brother is getting married and we’ve been invited to the wedding, but my parents haven’t. When my sister got married my wife’s parents were invited.
Queenie, is there a problem here? Why do you think my parents were left out? Should we be offended?—Invitation Etty Ket
Dear Etty Ket,
Different families have different standards regarding how far they extend the concept of “family.” It is possible your in-laws do not have as broad a definition of the word as your family does. It is also possible that they are trying to limit the guest list for financial reasons, or that the omission was merely a mistake.
Have your wife ask her parents why your parents were not invited, and be prepared to accept whatever the answer is in good spirits. Unless there has been some bad feeling between the two sets of parents, I am sure no offence was intended.
Dear Queenie,
My boyfriend says his friends think I don’t like them because I don’t mix in with their conversations. The fact of the matter is that I am very shy and it takes me a while before I get to know people well enough to feel comfortable chatting with them.
Queenie, I don’t want his friends to get the wrong idea about me. What should I do?—Shy girl
Dear Shy girl,
Ask your boyfriend to explain to his friends how shy you are and ask them to give you more time to get to know them. And do your best overcome your shyness, get to know them and join their conversations as quickly as you can.
Dear Queenie,
My adult son is attractive, smart and has a good job. He would make some woman a wonderful husband and he would be a wonderful father, but he just isn’t interested in getting married and having children.
Queenie, how do I make him understand what he is missing out on?—Worried mother
Dear Mother,
There was a time when it was taken for granted that the best – the only – way to have a good life was to get married and have a family. However, times – and attitudes – have changed. And the divorce rate has skyrocketed.
Bear in mind that a happy single life is much better for your son than a bad marriage would be, and do not try to push him into something he clearly does not want.
I am not saying that any marriage your son would make would be a bad one, but if he prefers not to take that risk, the decision is his to live with, and from what you say he seems to be content with it.
Dear Queenie,
My son is learning good English in school, but in his father’s family they don’t speak good English and when my son hears it sometimes he speaks up and corrects them.
I have explained to him that this is bad manners and he shouldn’t do it but he says that is what they do to him in school.
Queenie, how do I explain the difference to him?—Smartypants’ mother
Dear Mother,
Tell your son he goes to school to learn new things and it is the job of the people there to teach him these new things. However, it is not up to him to teach these things to the adults in his life – in fact it is rude of him to try to do so in a social situation.
If he thinks he has heard something wrong he should come to you privately and ask you about it and you can then tell him whether he is correct, but he should not be trying to correct his adult relatives’ mistakes.
Dear Queenie,
I have a couple of friends who call me and talk for hours about nothing important, just how they spend their day and what they bought at the supermarket, etc.
I don’t want to hang up on them, but there are other things I would rather be doing, like watch my favorite TV program or just read a good book.
Queenie, what is a polite way to end such a conversation?—Phone hostage
Dear Hostage,
Do you have caller ID? If so, do not answer the phone when one of these friends calls you unless you are willing to listen. When you do answer their calls, immediately set a time limit – “Sorry, I’m busy doing (whatever), I can only talk for a few minutes” – and when you have had enough, “Sorry, I have to go now, goodbye” and hang up.
And, do these time-wasters know each other? If not, introduce them and encourage them to call each other.
