Dear Queenie,
My wife’s daughter invites us to dinner quite often, but she always – I mean always – serves foods that she knows I am allergic to. I think this is rude, or at least inconsiderate, because she knows what I am allergic to and there are plenty of other things she could serve that I could eat.
I think she is being rude and I should just stop going to her dinners. My wife says this would be rude. She says she will prepare food I can eat and we can take it along with us for me to eat while everyone else eats what is served.
Queenie, what do you think?—Hungry

Dear Hungry,
I think your stepdaughter is rude to ignore your allergies, but it also would not be polite of you to constantly refuse her invitations.
Your wife’s solution is an excellent idea. And if her daughter is offended by your bringing your own food, just tell her you are equally offended by the fact that she cannot manage to serve you food that you can safely eat.

Dear Queenie,
I’m a college student with a part-time job tutoring a rich family’s children after school. Their mother wants them to get good grades so they can get into college and gets vexed at me when their grades aren’t as good as she wants.
Queenie, help! I don’t want to lose this job!—Under pressure

Dear Under pressure,
Explain to your students’ mother that your job is to teach her children how to do their schoolwork, not to do it for them or to stand over them and coach them through it step by step. Their job is to listen to and remember what you tell them and to put the information to use in doing their work for themselves.
Remind their mother that you will not be present to coach her children through their quizzes and exams in school or, when the time comes, their college entrance exams, so if she wants her children to go to college she had better find a way to motivate them to learn what they need to know and to do their schoolwork to the best of their ability – and to settle down and do the work instead of playing games and cruising on social media.

Dear Queenie,
When my grandmother died I posted on Facebook about how much I loved her and missed her and lots of people sent me condolences.
My Mom said it wasn’t right for people to find out about something like that on Facebook, but she put a death announcement ad in the newspaper.
Queenie, what’s the difference?—Grieving grandson

Dear Grandson,
As long as what you posted was not disrespectful in any way, I see no difference.
I am guessing your mother is not familiar with how social media work – or is too familiar with some of their less-attractive aspects.

Dear Queenie,
My husband abuses me and our children. I know you will tell me to leave him before he really injures someone badly, but I love him and I don’t want to take the children away from their daddy. I have tried to get him to go to counselling with me, but he says there’s nothing wrong with him so why bother.
Queenie, help!—Abused wife

Dear Wife,
I simply cannot understand how anyone can love someone who abuses them, but I hear that excuse all the time. I guess it has something to do with the way they were brought up, that they come to accept abuse as some weird expression of love.
The only help I can give you is my usual advice to abuse victims: GET OUT! If you need help doing so, call Safe Haven (office tel. 9277, 24-hour hotline number: 9333 or (721) 523-6400, e-mail address: This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. , Facebook: SafeHavenSt.Maarten).
There is a remote possibility that your leaving might convince your husband that there is something wrong with him and motivate him to get help, but do not count on that happening.