Dear Queenie,
My parents are divorced and I live with my mother. My Dad got married again and has children with his new wife and I like the children okay but not their mother. She hardly talks to me and I get the idea that she doesn’t want me to see my father at all.
Queenie, how can Mom and I make things better?—Teenage daughter
Dear Daughter,
Talk to your father about this. Only he can make things better, if he will try. If he cannot, or will not try, you will just have to make the best of a bad situation.
Dear Queenie,
My husband and I both work full-time so we only have weekends off to spend time with our kids. But he goes off playing sports and I have to stay home looking after the kids and when he gets home there are only a few hours left for family time. He’s a good father and all, but I never get any time to myself like he does.
Queenie, shouldn’t I be able to get some time to myself for things I would like to do?—Overworked mother
Dear Mother,
Of course you should. Talk it over with your husband and try to work out a schedule that accommodates you both. If that does not work out, ask him what he would do if you got sick and had to be hospitalised, for example.
Or you could hire someone to look after the children and hand hubby the bill, or arrange to send them to their grandparents for a few hours, if that is feasible.
Dear Queenie,
A cousin of mine has applied for a job where I work. We have never been close and in fact I don’t like her much because she is hard to get along with and kind of a bully.
I really don’t want to have to work with her and I could probably keep her from getting the job if I told the boss what she is like.
Queenie, what to do?—Non-kissing cousin
Dear Cousin,
Is your cousin as difficult to get along with for everybody, or is it just with you? You could quietly ask your boss to give her an assignment where you do not have to work with her, and let him see for him(her?)self what she is like.
Your cousin will be on probation at first and hopefully will try to “put her best foot forward” on the job. You may even find that she is easier to get along with in a business environment, and you still do not have to have anything to do with her outside of work.
Dear Queenie,
My sister and I were very close growing up and stayed that way after I got married – until I caught her and my husband in bed together. I haven’t spoken to her since then and my husband and I got divorced.
Ever since then my mother has been after me to forgive her and forget what happened, but I just can’t. She ruined my marriage!
Queenie, is my mother right?—Still angry
Dear Still angry,
If your husband had not cheated on you with your sister, it probably would have been (or was!) with some other woman. You have every right to be angry with your sister, but holding a grudge tends to be self-destructive.
Try to forgive your sister and at least be on civil terms with her. Forgetting is another matter, but try not to dwell on the memory.
Dear Queenie,
My grownup daughter and her boyfriend came to visit us for a week, the first time we met the boyfriend.
We only have one spare bedroom so we put a folding cot in there for the boyfriend and let them share the room because our bedroom is right across from it and we figured they would not get up to anything they shouldn’t because they knew we could hear whatever goes on the other room.
Queenie, we were so wrong! In the middle of the night they actually woke us up with their noisy lovemaking!
The next morning I told my daughter how disrespectful I thought they were and now my daughter is mad at me. Did they actually think it would be all right because we let them share the bedroom?—Angry mother
Dear Mother,
Apparently they did. Or they just couldn’t control their libidos, a common condition among young adults. After all, what do you think they do when they are back wherever they live?
For that matter, do you and your husband refrain from having sex when you have guests staying with you?
