Dear Queenie,
A friend of mine lost his job after Hurricane Irma so instead of buying him a gift I gave him some money for his birthday but I told him to use it for some special treat.
I found out later that he used it to pay some bills and when I said something to him about it he got mad and yelled at me that I had no idea how bad things were with him and what he used the money for was none of my business.
Queenie, was I wrong or was he?—Insulted friend
Dear Friend,
You were both wrong.
A gift, once given, belongs to the recipient to do with it as he pleases.
Apparently you had no idea just how bad things were for your friend, and your apparent lack of empathy just made things worse for him. He should not have gotten so angry that he yelled at you and he owes you an apology for that, but you owe him an apology for trying to tell him how to use the money you gave him.
