Dear Queenie,
My grandson and the girl he has been living with ever since he was in college are planning to get married later this year. They have a 3-year-old son that my father doesn’t know about because he is very traditional and religious and my mother thinks he would be too upset by the fact that they had a child without being married.
We are planning a 75th birthday party for my father and my mother doesn’t want us to let my son and his girlfriend bring their child to the party because she still doesn’t want my father to find out about him.
All of my father’s other grandchildren and great-grandchildren will be there and there are sure to be a lot of photos.
Queenie, do you think this is right?—Keeping a secret
Dear Keeping a secret,
No, I do not think this is right, not for your father, your son or his son. After living through all the cultural changes of the past 50 years, I do not think your father will be too upset by this news – surprised, yes, and maybe annoyed that the child was kept a secret from him, but not terribly upset. In fact, he may consider this new great-grandchild a terrific 75th birthday present.
However, it would be a good idea to tell him before the party about the child he is about to meet, to give him time to adjust to the news and to the fact that this was kept a secret from him for so long.
And when the time comes, wish him “Happy birthday” from me too.
