Dear Queenie,
Whatever I say to her, my sister finds an insult in it. When I said we would have to wait many years to find out whether a certain prediction would come true, she took it to mean I don’t care whether she lives that long. When I said we should limit our holiday celebrations to immediate family because it’s getting to be too many people, she took it to mean I hate her in-laws and don’t want them there.
Then she complains to our brother about how mean I am to her and stops speaking to me until I apologize.
Queenie, how do I make her understand I don’t mean anything against her?—Misunderstood sister
Dear Sister,
It seems to me your sister knows perfectly well what you mean to say and do not mean, but is deliberately looking for reasons to take offence.
When you apologise, do not say you are sorry for what you said. Do not even say you are sorry she misunderstood you, because she probably will take it to mean you think she is too stupid to understand what you say. Just tell her you are sorry her feelings got hurt and let it go at that. Then, if she wants to continue to sulk about it, leave her alone to do so.
