Dear Queenie,
When I was a little kid my 10 years older brother raped me. I tried to tell my mother about it, but I didn’t know the right words and she didn’t believe me. She told me I shouldn’t make up stories about people. But I wasn’t making it up, and I still remember exactly what he did and how terrible it felt.
After that I tried to stay away from him and he went away to school soon after and when he came back he had his own place to live so I didn’t see him very often.
Now I am grown up he wants us to have a good brother-and-sister relationship, but I don’t want anything to do with him and I certainly don’t want him anywhere near my kids. He keeps calling and wanting us to get together on holidays and things like that, and the rest of the family keep trying to get me to “make up” with him.
Queenie, how can I get them all to leave me alone?—Rape victim
Dear Rape victim,
Tell your family exactly why you don’t want anything to do with your rapist brother. There is no reason for you to feel ashamed about what happened. I wasn’t your fault, it was his, and there is no reason for you to protect him by staying silent.
Furthermore, if they also have young children, they should be warned about this “funny uncle” before he has a chance to hurt another child.
If that doesn’t discourage your brother, have caller ID installed on your phone so you can block out his calls. If he still pesters you, you can file a complaint of harassment with the police and tell them too why you don’t want to have anything to do with him.
You might also seek counselling through Safe Haven. Even after all these years, you could probably use some help in dealing with what he did to you.
