Dear Queenie,
I hate funerals. I prefer to remember someone I knew and maybe loved the way they were alive, not lying dead in a casket and buried underground or burned into ashes.
I guess some people think me not showing up at the funeral is disrespectful or means that I don’t care that the deceased person is gone, but that isn’t true.
Queenie, how can I make them understand?—Truly in mourning
Dear In mourning,
There is no rule of etiquette that requires you to attend a funeral. People mourn in different ways.
You can show respect for the deceased and sympathy for the other mourners by writing a letter of condolence, perhaps sharing some happy memory of the deceased with them and/or making a contribution to the deceased’s favourite charity in his or her name.
