Dear Queenie,
I’ve been married for 3 years to a great guy, except for one thing. He knows he’s not the first man I ever had sex with. I had a number of boyfriends before we were married and he knows I had sex with them. I have told him I never had sex with anyone else after we started going together, but he says he doesn’t believe it.
When he asked me to marry him he said he didn’t care about the others, but now whenever I don’t feel like having sex with him he starts going on about how I must be thinking of them or I must have a man on the side if I’m not interested in sex with him. When we have a fight about something else he always ends up by saying he should have known better than to marry a slut like me.
Queenie, why can’t he just put the past behind us? He knows I love him and he should trust me. Besides, I’m sick of having to apologise for what happened before we ever even met. It’s getting so I don’t want to have sex with him even when things are good between us.—Unhappy wife
Dear Unhappy wife,
Your husband doesn’t seem to me to be all that great a guy. To the contrary, he seems to be somewhat insecure and more than a little emotionally abusive. It’s no wonder you are losing interest in making love with him. Nothing kills that mood faster than the kind of anger you feel about the way he treats you.
Counselling for both of you is called for in this case, but if he won’t go with you, go alone. At least you can get some help in coping with his abuse and in deciding whether your marriage is worth preserving.
A note to my other readers, especially young girls: This woman’s story is a perfect example of one of the major flaws in the modern attitude toward sex. Aside from the physical hazards of premarital sex, there can be severe emotional repercussions as well. Sex should not be indulged in merely as a casual pastime! Even if you are in love, it is better to exercise some restraint.
