Dear Queenie,
Whenever I host a dinner for my husband’s family, one sister and her husband make a big fuss about the fact that they are vegan and the whole menu must be vegan or they cannot attend.
I have offered to make a few vegan dishes that they can eat, but that is not good enough for them, they think everyone should be served the same food and if they are there it must all be vegan.
Queenie, what do you say?—Carnivorous hostess
Dear Hostess,
It is just as rude for your sister-in-law and her husband to demand that you abide totally by their dietary preferences as it would be for you to insist that they eat the meat dishes you serve them.
As the hostess, it is up to you to set the menu and if you are willing to go out of your way to accommodate their preferences, they should be grateful for the courtesy.
Keep a copy of this column and, if this argument comes up again, show it to them and make sure they read my answer.
Dear Queenie,
Recently I got a gift for at my bridal shower that still had the price tag on it. I never saw such a thing before. I was always taught to take off the price tag from any gift I gave anyone.
Queenie, have things changed?—Gift-giving Etty Ket
Dear Etty Ket,
The gift-giver may have simply forgotten to take the tags off your gift, or may have purposely left them on so you could return it or exchange it if you wanted to do so. But, no, gift-giving etiquette has not changed.
Dear Queenie,
When my father comes to visit me and my husband he goes through everything in the house, including personal things, wherever he finds them, including our bedroom. If he finds anything he thinks needs fixing he goes to work on it, whether we ask him to or not.
We have asked him not to do this and to have some respect for our privacy, but he refuses to even try to understand and just keeps pointing out how much he does for us.
Queenie, we love him and want to have him in our lives, but this is just too much! What do you advise?—Invaded
Dear Invaded,
Your father apparently feels so much at home in your home that he forgets that you are no longer children he needs to check up on. You may have to go so far as to put a lock on the door of every room you do not want him to go into.
As for the repair work he does, pick out in advance some fix-it projects to keep him busy, and be grateful to him (and be sure to thank him!) for saving you the trouble and, possibly, the expense.
Dear Queenie,
My wife and I have been together since we were in high school except for a couple of months back then when she was dating another guy, but after that we got back together and eventually we got married and had a family and we’ve been happily married all this time.
My problem is that she still has some photos of that other guy and a couple of small gifts he gave her and once in a while she gets an e-mail from him which she usually answers. This makes me remember the time we weren’t together and I feel jealous, but she says it was so long ago I should be over it by now.
Queenie, is she right or should I be worried?—Jealous husband
Dear Husband,
As long as your wife is not spending a lot of time with those old photos and gifts remembering her past fling, and does not hide his e-mails from you, they – and he – are nothing for you to get upset about.
You cannot help how you feel about this, but you certainly should be able to control how you behave about it, and doing so might help you to also control your feelings.
Dear Queenie,
I have a coffee table in front of my sofa and sometimes guests will put their feet up on it. I use this table for snacks, not to mention that sometimes their shoes cause damage to the finish on the table.
Queenie, what’s a polite way to tell people to keep their feet on the floor where they belong?—Feet on the floor Etty Ket
Dear Etty Ket,
You simply say as sweetly as you can manage, “Please do not put your feet up on my coffee table.”
But it would also help if you provide them with a footstool, or cover the table with a protective cloth and give the person something like a pillow or cushion to put under his or her feet.
