Dear Queenie,
My daughter’s husband is an abusive control freak who won’t let his wife and child go anywhere without his permission and is constantly checking up on them if they have to go somewhere without him, like to school or to the grocery when he is at work. She is afraid to walk out on him because he has threatened to kill her if she tries.
Queenie, what can I do to protect my daughter and my grandson?—Frightened mother and grandmother

Dear Mother/Grandmother,
Get in touch with Safe Haven (office tel. 9277, 24-hour hotline 9333, tel. 721-523-6400, e-mail address This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. or Facebook SafeHavenSt.Maarten). They will advise you how best to help your daughter, and will advise and help her when she is ready to get away from her abusive husband.

Dear Queenie,
My mother died after a long illness and by a week or so after her funeral my father started socializing with the nurse who had been taking care of her while she was bedridden and now, only a couple of months later, they are dating.
Dad even spent the holidays with this woman instead of with us, his family, the way we have always done.
Queenie, how can he be so disrespectful of his late wife’s memory and of us?—Grieving daughter

Dear Daughter,
I understand that you are still mourning the loss of your mother, and you have my condolences.
However, it is possible that your father did his grieving while his wife was dying and had already come to terms with his loss by the time she died. And there is a good reason the marriage vows are “until death do us part.”
As for his missing the holidays with you, it is possible that the prospect of being with all of you but with your mother missing was more than he could bear.
Try to find it within yourself to be glad that your father is not facing the prospect of spending the rest of his life alone.

Dear Queenie,
My parents don’t hang up family pictures because they don’t want to make holes in their walls. I thought they might make an exception for my wedding photo, but no, they didn’t. It’s not as if they had the pictures displayed on a table or shelf somewhere but they don’t.
Queenie, don’t I have a right to feel hurt that they care more about their walls than they do about me?—Offended bridegroom

Dear Bridegroom,
I doubt your parents care more about their walls than they do about you. Some people prefer to keep such visual reminders of the people and events that matter most to them in albums that they can take out whenever they want to “walk down Memory Lane.” Others do not need visual reminders – they carry the pictures around with them constantly in their minds.
However, if hanging up this photo means so much to you, buy some “self-stick” picture hooks that go up without making any holes in the wall, give them to your parents and ask them to indulge your feelings by using one of those hooks to put up the wedding photo.

Dear Queenie,
I know that when a man and a woman go out on a date the man is expected to pay, but these days, what with women working outside the home and all, lots of women make as much money as the man does and sometimes even more.
Queenie, is that fair? But how can a man suggest going (excuse the expression) Dutch without making a bad impression?—Realistic about dating

Dear Realistic,
In my opinion, dating should be like hosting a party – the person who does the inviting should expect to pay. However, I realise that I am in a very small minority in this respect.
It never would make a bad impression for the woman to offer to “go Dutch” (pick up half of the cost). However, a man would do well to wait until he knows his date (and something about her financial circumstances) fairly well to even consider making this suggestion – unless, of course, for some reason she is expecting to pay the whole tab, in which case he makes himself look good.
Meanwhile, it is a good idea to arrange to do things together that are not a strain on your finances (or your date’s, for that matter).