Dear Queenie,
Things were wonderful in my marriage until I got pregnant. Since then we almost never have sex anymore. My husband said it was because he was afraid of hurting the baby, even though the doctor explained that that wasn’t a problem but it went on even after the baby was born. And all the romance has stopped also. No more surprise gifts, romantic notes, quick kiss and hug – nothing.
Queenie, I still love my husband but he acts as if he doesn’t care about me anymore What advice do you have for me?—Worried wife
Dear Wife,
Some men do not find pregnant women sexually attractive, but that is no longer an excuse for your husband’s (non)behaviour. However, some men also find “motherhood” sexually unattractive.
Whatever the reason, professional counselling may help resolve it if you can persuade your husband to go with you, but if he will not, go alone to get help learning how you want to deal with your situation, and how to do so.
Dear Queenie,
My children have terrible table manners. They chew with their mouths open and make the most awful noises doing it. We keep telling them to close their mouths and stop making so much noise but pretty soon they go back to chomping and smacking.
Queenie, what more can we do?—Disgusted parents
Dear Parents,
First, teach your children to take smaller bites of their food. That may help reduce the “chomping and smacking.”
If that does not alleviate the problem, try video-recording them (with sound!) at the table. These days, with all the “smart” electronic devices everyone has, it should be easy enough to do so without being noticed. Then, play the recording back for them so they can see and hear for themselves how they look and sound when they are eating.
And keep on telling them to stop when they are “chomping and smacking.” Eventually they will learn – I hope.
Dear Queenie,
I have a niece who never bothers to send me a “thank you” note for the gifts I give her for her birthday, Christmas or any other occasions, although she does say “thank you” if I happen to give her the gift in person.
Queenie, should I just stop giving her any gifts since she doesn’t seem to care about them?—Annoyed aunt
Dear Aunt,
The next time there is a gift-giving occasion, give your niece a package of “thank you” cards and envelopes along with a note saying you know she will find them useful in thanking everyone who gave her a gift. Then wait and see what happens.
If you do not receive a “thank you” note from her, you could stop giving her any gifts, and if she says anything to you about it, tell her you have stopped taking the trouble because she doesn’t seem to care about your gifts. Hopefully she will get the message.
Dear Queenie,
Both my son and my daughter-in-law work, so I take care of my grandchildren after school until their parents come home.
Recently my daughter-in-law got a cat. The problem is, I am allergic to cats and I can’t take allergy medicine because it conflicts with other medications I have to take, so I can’t be in their house anymore.
Queenie, I miss being with my grandchildren every day. And it’s costing my son a lot of money for after-school activities and a baby-sitter. Can you suggest a solution?—Sneezing grandmother
Dear Grandmother,
I will make my suggestion in the form of a question for you: Why not take care of your grandchildren in your house instead of theirs? Even if your home is just a small apartment, surely it can accommodate the children for a couple of hours. Does the family never come over to visit you in your home?
Dear Queenie,
Some friends told me they saw my wife having lunch at a restaurant with some other man on a day when she told me she had a doctor’s appointment and it took a long time because he was running late and there were a lot of other patients and then she stopped at the grocery on the way home. My friends said the two of them seemed very taken with each other.
Queenie, should I tell her what my friends said or just let it go?—Undecided
Dear Undecided,
Tell your wife someone saw her having lunch with a man on the day she supposedly went to the doctor, and see what she says. You will know from her reaction and her response what to think.
