Dear Queenie,
My best friend is a terrible driver. She goes too fast, passes when it isn’t safe and honks the horn and gets vexed if another driver doesn’t go what she thinks is fast enough or slows down to make a turn or wait for someone to enter the road.
I hate driving with her and I’m afraid she will cause an accident someday and someone will get hurt, especially her kids because she drives that way when they are with her too.
Queenie, I tried to tell her how I feel about her driving but it didn’t do any good that I can see. Is there any way I can get her to shape up?—Scared passenger
Dear Scared,
If your friend will not listen to what you say, there is not much more you can do but refuse to ride with her and pray for her children’s safety.
But where is the children’s father in all of this? Is he involved in his children’s lives and does he know what kind of driver their mother is? If so, he might be able to have some influence on her – such as taking custody of his children if she continues to endanger them (or at least threatening to do so).
Dear Queenie,
I own 2 dogs that are usually well-behaved but can get excited when I have people visiting me. Sometimes someone who doesn’t like dogs or just isn’t used to them will ask me to put the dogs outside while they are there.
Queenie, are they being rude for asking such a thing or am I being rude if I don’t oblige them?—Pet Etty Ket
Dear Etty Ket,
Many people love their pets as though they were their children, and much the same principle applies – it is your responsibility as their “parent” to teach them good manners and keep them under control.
If your guest is allergic, for example, or even just has an aversion to dogs, or if your dogs are behaving rambunctiously, I see no rudeness in asking to be spared the dogs’ presence and no reason why the dogs cannot be sent outside to play while your sensitive guest is there – assuming the visit is relatively brief, that is.
However, if the guest knows you have dogs and has an aversion to them for some reason, they should keep their visit brief and not ask you to banish the dogs for more than a few hours.
Dear Queenie,
When my father died he left my mother well-off enough to be financially independent if she is careful. However, I learnt that one of my sisters has borrowed quite a lot of money from Mom and although she promised to pay it back it seems she is doing so very slowly if at all.
I know my sister has problems, but Mom just doesn’t have enough money to fix them for her and I can’t afford to take care of either of them.
Queenie, how can I protect my mother from this kind of abuse?—Worried son
Dear Son,
If your mother is of sound mind she is not so much being abused as being taken advantage of. However, you are not wrong to be worried about this situation.
A family meeting might be in order to discuss how your mother’s money can best be used to take care of her needs first. Perhaps it would be a good idea to include a financial expert – an accountant or an attorney – in the discussion to act as advisor and mediator.
Dear Queenie,
My fiancé eats with one hand and keeps the other hand in his lap except when he needs it to cut his food or pass a dish. I have never seen anything like this before.
Queenie, is this just a peculiarity or am I missing something?—Eating Etty Ket
Dear Etty Ket,
You fiancé’s way of eating is not a peculiarity, it is simply good table manners, according to etiquette guru Emily Post.
Dear Queenie,
My brother and I are twins and although we are not identical twins we are very much alike in a lot of ways and people like to look at us and compare how much we are alike. It bugs me when they do this because although I am fairly good-looking I know that my brother is more attractive than I am.
Queenie, what can I say when someone comments about this without being rude?—The other twin
Dear Twin,
Anyone who makes such a comment is him-/herself being rude. I do not believe in returning rudeness for rudeness, but I also do not believe it is necessary to be especially polite to anyone who is not treating you that way.
Depending on how insulted you feel and how polite you wish to be, you can reply, “Thank you for telling me,” or “Oh really? How kind (or ‘thoughtless,’ if you prefer to be less polite) of you to say so” – or just stare at them silently for a moment and walk away without saying anything.
