Dear Queenie,
I dropped out of college to take care of my mother, who was terminally ill, for several years. During that time my father, who was still working, supported me.
After she died my father collected her life insurance and also presented me with a bill for what it cost him to support me.
Queenie, Is this fair? Should I just pay him and go back to college?—Bereaved son
Dear Son,
I suggest you present your father with a bill for your services as your mother’s caretaker while she was ill, equal to (or even slightly greater than) the bill he has given you, and see how he reacts. I expect his reaction will not be very positive, so tell him you are willing to call it even.
Then go back to college and get your degree, because obviously you must expect to be independent and self-supporting from now on.
Dear Queenie,
A friend of mine who doesn’t have any children is always criticising my children. I have to bite my tongue to keep from telling her she doesn’t know what she’s talking about because she doesn’t have to raise children of her own.
Queenie, what’s a good way to shut her up?—Harassed mother
Dear Harassed,
If you want to be polite: “Thanks for your input,” and then change the subject.
Not so polite, but possibly more effective (and possibly a good way to end the friendship): “You can tell me what you think when you have children of your own” – and then change the subject!
Dear Queenie,
After my mother died my father eventually married again and his second wife stuck with him and took care of him through a long illness. After he died my brother claimed that we (his children) are entitled to whatever property he left, including the proceeds of a life insurance policy. I think the money should go to his wife who was loyal to him and took good care of him for all those years.
Queenie, who is right?—Not greedy
Dear Not greedy,
It depends on whether your father left a will stating his intentions, and who is named in the insurance policy as beneficiary. A lawyer can explain to you and your brother who is entitled to what – if anything – and help you make sure that your father’s wishes are honoured.
Dear Queenie,
Should children be forced to eat stuff they do not like just because it is good for them? My wife insists that they should eat everything on their plates and if they are not hungry enough to do that they shouldn’t get any dessert. And she wants me to set a good example for them.
Queenie, is she right?—Picky eater
Dear Picky,
Children (and you) should be encouraged to try all sorts of foods and to eat at least a little of everything – even things they think they do not like, because with exposure they may find that they do like them after all, or at least that they do not dislike them as much as they thought at first.
However, forcing a child to eat every bit of food on his or her plate is a bit too much. It should be enough that the child has eaten at least a bite or two of everything served.
Dear Queenie,
A friend of mine does not discipline her son very much and he has a rude way of speaking and uses a lot of bad words. I do not let my children talk that way and I don’t like for them to hear the way he talks, so I try to keep them from going to their house to play.
But. Queenie, what do I do when she brings him to my house and he acts that way and she doesn’t even try stop him?—Offended
Dear Offended,
You tell the child that in your house you have certain rules of behaviour, explain to him (and to his mother) what the rules are. Make it clear to both of them that when he visits your house you expect him to abide by your rules and if he does not he will not be welcome to visit your home.
