Dear Queenie,
I’ve been dating a very nice man for a couple of years and he even asked me to marry him.
My problem is that he’s been married twice before and I know he cheated on both of his ex-wives.
He swears things are different with me and he would never do that to me, but I can’t help wondering.
Queenie, do you think I can trust him to be faithful?—Doubting Thomasina
Dear Thomasina,
I doubt it. A cheater will say anything to get you to trust him, and he may even mean it when he says it, but when opportunity knocks his old habits are likely to kick in. Date this man if you wish, but do not marry him unless you are prepared to be disappointed.
Dear Queenie,
I’ve been taking the pill since my boyfriend and I started having sex, but it’s getting expensive. I think he should chip in on the cost but I don’t feel right asking him for money.
Queenie, how do I bring it up to him?—Going broke
Dear Going broke,
Does he know you are taking the pill? If not, you should tell him. Either way, just ask him whether he would rather help pay for your contraceptive or pay child support after the baby is born. That should settle the matter quickly.
Dear Queenie,
Sometimes I like to talk over family matters with my married son that have nothing to do with his wife and then he talks to her about them and then she tells her own family about them.
I have asked him not to discuss certain things with her, but he still does it. He says they don’t have any secrets from each other.
Queenie, do you think this is right?—No privacy
Dear No privacy,
You have every right to ask your son to keep certain matters confidential, but he also has every right not to keep secrets from his wife, who is, let us face it, also a member (by marriage) of your family.
Because you know that she will “spread the news,” do not discuss anything with your son that you do not want him to tell her about.
Dear Queenie,
I have a really big scar from surgery that saved my life. People notice it all the time and ask me about it.
Queenie, why can’t they stop staring at me?—Embarrassed
Dear Embarrassed,
People usually notice anything that is “different.” They do not mean to embarrass you, but they cannot help noticing your scar. Answer any questions with a brief, simple explanation. Eventually everyone you know will know the story behind your scar and will start taking it for granted.
As for strangers, do not let their attention bother you so much. Again, answer any questions with a brief, simple explanation and then change the subject.
Dear Queenie,
My sister who died recently was a single mother with 2 kids. Now my mother wants to take custody of the kids, but I worry about this because she drinks too much and I’m afraid of what might happen to the kids when she is too drunk to notice or to deal with them properly. I don’t want to offend her, but I don’t want to risk the kids’ wellbeing.
Queenie, how can I arrange to get custody and keep them away from their grandmother?—Worried aunt
Dear Aunt,
Talk this over with your mother. If this does not convince her to get her drinking under control, consult the Court of Guardianship.
And if you do get custody, do not keep the children completely away from their grandmother. Surely you can arrange for her to have supervised visits – even outings – with them.
