Dear Queenie,
I’m dating a man who comes from a Spanish-speaking island. He speaks English well and so do many of his friends, but when they get together they jabber away in Spanish and I am totally left out because I do not speak that language. Sometimes they talk to me in English for a few minutes, but then it’s all Spanish again and it’s as if I wasn’t there.
I am trying to learn to understand it at least, but my boyfriend doesn’t help much because he always talks to me in English and when I ask him to speak Spanish he talks so fast I can’t keep up.
Queenie, what do you think about all this?—Left out
Dear Left out,
I think your boyfriend and his friends are very inconsiderate, to say the least. I also think it is possible that what they are doing could be a sort of put-down, a subtle way of trying to make you feel inferior for not understanding them.
On the other hand, they may simply feel more comfortable speaking – and thinking – in their native language. And they may simply feel that if you want to be part of their group, you should learn their language instead of expecting them to cater to your ignorance.
As you are not having any success learning Spanish from your boyfriend, why not sign up for one of the adult-education courses in Spanish that are available on both sides of the island, including at University of St. Martin?
Once you have learned enough to follow the conversation, imagine the Spanish-speakers’ reaction when you demonstrate your new knowledge. And you may be able to tell from that reaction – and from what you hear them saying when they believe you do not understand – whether their behaviour is simple thoughtlessness or deliberate rudeness.
