Dear Queenie,
My much-older brother has had no contact with me, my sister and our mother since he went to live with our father a few years after Mom and Dad got divorced.
Our mother is getting along in years and putting her affairs in order, and she has asked us that when she dies we should not notify our brother of her death for at least six months and definitely not invite him to her funeral because she doesn’t want to think of him putting on a big show of grief when he actually hasn’t spoken to her for years.
I am willing to honor her wishes, but my sister says he should be able to attend the funeral if he wants to.
Queenie, what do you say?—Respectful daughter
Dear Daughter,
They say “funerals are for the living.” If having him there will not bother you or your sister, you should discuss this with your mother, but when the time comes, the final decision will be up to the ones who are planning the funeral.
