Dear Queenie,
My grandchildren behave beautifully when they are with me, but as soon as their parents show up the kids go wild.
Queenie, should I talk to my son and daughter-in-law about this?—Worried grandmother
Dear Grandmother,
I would advise against it. They will take it as criticism of their parenting skills. Apparently your grandchildren are learning proper behaviour somewhere – possibly from you? – if they behave well when they are with you, so continue to enjoy and encourage this kind of behaviour whenever you can.
Dear Queenie,
My wife dislikes my mother for no good reason I know of. She doesn’t even like me to talk to Mom on the phone for more than a couple of minutes.
My mother is a nice person who welcomed my wife into our family and tried to treat her like a daughter, but my wife wants nothing to do with her.
Queenie, what can I do to make things better?— in the middle
Dear Son,
Maybe your wife has heard too many bad mother-in-law stories and is expecting the worst from your mother. Or perhaps something happened between them that you do not know about.
Talk to each of them and try to find out what, if anything, might have caused your wife’s attitude. Professional family counselling might also help, if you can get the two of them to go, separately or together.
Dear Queenie,
I’ve been dating a man I really like but so far it’s just been an occasional date. I want to let him know how I feel, but I don’t want to say the wrong thing and mess up what we have now.
Queenie, what advice can you give me?—Tongue-tied girlfriend
Dear Girlfriend,
Take things slowly. Pay him an occasional compliment. Tell him what there is about him that you consider special – his sense of humour, the way he dresses, his good manners, the things he is interested in, etc. He will get the message.
Dear Queenie,
I am a very quiet, private person who doesn’t like to draw attention to myself. My sister is not like me, she’s always chatting about something. The problem is she gets all the attention from our parents. I know they love me but they never seem to notice me unless I’m in some kind of trouble which I’m usually not because I do my best to be good.
Queenie, what can I do to get my parents to notice me?—Quiet child
Dear Quiet child,
Sitting around silently waiting for your parents to notice that you are there will not work. You have to learn to speak up for yourself. You do not have to shout or make loud noise or be naughty, but join in a conversation – even start one – when you want to be noticed. You may have to force yourself at first, but it will become easier with practice.
Dear Queenie,
My husband is everything I could ask for and I would be perfectly happy married to him if I didn’t know that he also has a byside. I have no intention of leaving him, but I would like to know why he does this.
Queenie, he says he loves me, so why does he also need someone else?—Confused wife
Dear Wife,
There could be any one or more of several reasons: He wants to prove to himself that he is attractive to other women than his wife, he simply cannot resist temptation, he does not get enough sexual satisfaction from you ... and the list goes on.
Have you tried asking him about this? Talking it over with him, and perhaps a professional marriage counsellor, might result in both of you being even happier married to each other.
