Dear Queenie,
My wife died some years ago and I am ready to start dating again. My niece got divorced and also is ready to start dating again. I asked her out, but she said it wouldn’t be right because we’re related. I say it’s okay because she is my late wife’s brother’s daughter so we’re not blood relatives.
Queenie, what do you say?—Hopeful uncle
Dear Uncle,
I believe you are legally correct, but you might want to check with your lawyer on that aspect of the situation. However, it is more important that your niece is not comfortable with the idea of dating someone she considers a relative, so I say it would be better to look elsewhere.
Dear Queenie,
My husband was killed in a car accident and I was in the hospital for several weeks.
After I recovered from my injuries I started talking to a friend of the family who is going through a divorce. We visit each other all the time and talk about our different problems for hours and I have fallen in love with him and I think he has fallen in love with me.
Queenie, I feel guilty because it’s so soon after my husband’s death. What do you advise?—Young widow
Dear Widow,
I advise taking things very slowly – and professional counselling to help you sort out your feelings.
If what you are feeling is love, not dependence on someone who also depends on you for mutual support in a time of great need, it will grow with time and eventually both of you will know without doubt just what you are (or are not) feeling.
Dear Queenie,
Every time I invite a friend of mine to go out together and do something she always wants to check with her husband to see if he wants to go with us. I just want to have a “girls only” excursion but she always wants to bring her husband along.
Queenie, should I give up on her?—Fed up friend
Dear Friend,
Before you give up on your friend, ask yourself (and maybe her too) whether she always wants her husband to come along or it is that he refuses to allow her to go anywhere without him – which is one of the signs of a controlling if not abusive relationship.
Rather than giving up on her, perhaps you should let her know you are there for her if she needs your help in coping with the way her husband treats her.
Dear Queenie,
My wife’s mother talks all the time during any kind of performance. If we try to shut her up she claims she wasn’t talking, she was commenting on the performance.
We have tried to explain that we are trying to hear the performance and when she is “making a comment” she is talking, and ask her to save her comments for after it’s over, but she just gets mad at us and won’t stop talking.
Queenie, can you think of a way we can shut her up?—Disgusted son-in-law
Dear Son-in-law,
Did you ever hear the saying “You cannot teach an old dog new tricks”? The same goes for your mother-in-law. Frankly, I am surprised no one else has ever asked her to shut up, especially if the performances you mention are public ones, as in a theatre.
Your choices are limited: Learn to put up with her chit-chat, do not take her with you to any kind of performance, or arrange to sit as far away from her as possible.
Dear Queenie,
Recently I accidentally met up with my son’s ex-girlfriend and we had a couple of drinks together and really got along well.
I’d like to see her again and my son says he’s all done with her.
Queenie, do you think it would be okay for me to date her?—Undecided dad
Dear Dad,
Technically there is nothing wrong with this. However, think how creepy it would be for your son to have to get accustomed to seeing his ex-girlfriend in the position of his father’s girlfriend and possibly his de facto, if not legal, stepmother – especially if they had been sleeping together when she was his girlfriend!
