Dear Queenie,
My husband and I have always tried to teach our children how to manage money – keeping them on a strict allowance and letting them save up for what they want if it costs more than what they get for their allowance, making their allowance depend on them doing certain chores around the house and paying them extra for doing special chores in addition to their regular assignments. That’s the way my husband’s parents raised him and it certainly worked out well with him.
The problem is my parents. Whenever the children want some extra money for something they go running to Gramma and Grampa and Gramma and Grampa give them what they want without asking any questions.
Queenie, how can we make my parents understand that they are undermining what we are trying to teach our kids?—Angry mom

Dear Mom,
I doubt you can make Gramma and Grampa understand your point of view. They apparently are of the opinion that it is grandparents’ privilege to indulge their grandchildren, not to discipline them.
However, you can insist that your children deposit all monetary gifts in their piggy banks or savings accounts for a certain length of time before spending the money. That will give them time to decide just how much they want whatever they are/were going to spend the money on.

Dear Queenie,
When my car broke down recently some friends offered to pick me up and take me with them to church. After the service they went to a nice restaurant for lunch, which I hadn’t expected and hadn’t taken enough money with me to pay for, so I just ordered coffee. It was very embarrassing.
They kept asking me why I wasn’t eating anything, but I didn’t want to say I didn’t have enough money to pay because I’m sure they would have offered to treat me and that would have been even more embarrassing.
Queenie, shouldn’t they have told me their plans for after church?—Humiliated passenger

Dear Passenger,
It would have been helpful if they had told you their plans so you could have been properly prepared for what happened. However, you could simply have told them you had expected to be taken home right after the church service and had not brought any money with you, and would repay them for the cost of your lunch.
And if they then offered to treat you to lunch you could have accepted without embarrassment, or insisted on repaying them when they took you home.

Dear Queenie,
My family are all worried about one of my sisters who is in a relationship with a guy we think isn’t good enough for her. He has only a high school education and can’t hold a job, so she basically supports him.
He isn’t abusive or anything like that, but he does drink too much and we worry when he drives her someplace when he’s been drinking.
Queenie, should we tell her what we think of him?—Worried brother

Dear Brother,
Some time when the family is all together (without your sister’s boyfriend), tell her what you think of him and why. Do not suggest that she break up with him, but let her know that you are there for her (but not for him) if she ever needs you.
Beyond that there is not much you can do. Some people just have to make their own mistakes and (hopefully) learn from them – if indeed this guy really is a mistake for your sister. He may have good qualities of which you are not aware.

Dear Queenie,
My wife’s brother and his wife didn’t give my daughter a gift even though they came to her wedding. We have always given their children nice gifts on all occasions, even ones we didn’t attend.
We haven’t said anything to them about it, but we won’t be giving their kids anything more anytime soon.
Queenie, why are people such cheapskates?—Disgusted dad

Dear Dad,
Possibly your brother-in-law is not so much cheap as he is broke, especially these days after Hurricane Irma, assuming he and his family live here in St. Maarten, and if they live abroad, the trip here may have been all they could afford.
You are right not to have said anything to them about it. And from now on, also expect nothing from them. If that turns out to be wrong, at least your surprise will be a pleasant one.