Dear Queenie,
My mother is getting old and starting to talk about what kind of funeral she wants – something religious, fancy, elaborate and expensive. It’s not like she will be leaving us a lot money to pay for it and what she wants would cost a lot more than we can afford.
Queenie, are we honour-bound to give her what she wants after she is dead and gone?—Worried children
Dear Worried,
In the first place, I am firmly of the belief that funerals are for the benefit of the living and make no real difference to the deceased.
That said, try not to make promises you cannot keep. Instead of telling her you will do whatever she wants, tell her you will do your best to comply with her wishes. Then, when the time comes, do what you can afford to do.
Dear Queenie,
My boyfriend and I have been together for more than five years, but whenever I start talking about getting married he says he isn’t ready for that yet. I asked him why not and when he would be but he couldn’t give me straight answers about that either.
Queenie, will he ever be ready or is he just stringing me along?—Lady in waiting
Dear Lady,
Your boyfriend may have issues with commitment relating to past experience with his own previous or his parents’ marriage, but if he is not willing to talk to you about them, I do not hold out much hope for any change in his attitude.
Unless you are willing to wait indefinitely, give him a deadline for commitment, or at least reasonable discussion thereof, and stick to it.
Dear Queenie,
My husband travels a lot for business and I don’t mind his being away so much but when he gets home the first thing he wants to do is get together with his friends.
I do miss him when he is away and I would like to have some time with him when he gets back before he goes out with anybody else.
Queenie, is that asking too much?—Lonely wife
Dear Lonely,
No, that is not asking too much. I do not mean he should not spend time with anyone else too, but as his wife you should come first. After all, why did he marry you if he does not want to spend time with you when he has the chance?
Dear Queenie,
My boyfriend and I have been going together for a couple of years and my family and friends like him a lot and are expecting us to get married.
The thing is, I have changed a lot since we first got together and I just don’t want to be with him anymore. I’ll give things a while longer to make sure this isn’t just some temporary phase I’m going through, but I don’t think that’s what it is.
Queenie, I don’t want to hurt him and I don’t want to disappoint my family and friends, but what else can I do?—Fallen out of love
Dear Out of love,
Whatever you decide to do, your friends and family will cope with it.
But it is only fair for you to talk this over with your boyfriend as soon as possible, before he becomes even more attached to you than he already is. Together the two of you can work out how best to handle the breakup, if that is inevitable.
Dear Queenie,
I always send generous checks to my nieces and nephews for their birthdays and Christmas, but they never bother to even let me know they received them, never mind sending me a “thank you” note.
Queenie, I’m getting so disgusted I’m thinking of not sending any more gifts!—Fed up uncle
Dear Uncle,
I have a better idea. Send the cheques as usual, but “forget” to sign them. You will hear from the recipients very quickly, I assure you!
