Dear Queenie,
I was dating this woman I really liked but I was careful not to come on too strong so as not to offend her – just a hug and a kiss on her cheek to say goodnight when I took her home. I thought she really liked me too, but after a few dates that I thought went just great she stopped answering my calls and texts.
Queenie, did I do something wrong?—Ghosted
Dear Ghosted,
Either this woman did not like you as much as you thought, or the problem was not so much that you did something wrong as that you did not do something right.
It is true that women do not like to be pressured into accepting or doing things they do not want, but this does not mean things that might be of that sort should never be offered. What this means is that when you offer such things you must be prepared to take “No” for an answer without pressing the matter and without taking offence.
My guess is that this woman really did like you as much as you thought, but when you never even tried to go beyond a light hug and a kiss on her cheek she thought you were rather wimpy or were not really that interested in her and therefore not worth wasting her time on.
Another time, I suggest you try being just a little more aggressive with a woman you “really like,” while being prepared to back off immediately and without taking offence if/when she pushes you away, backs away from your advances or says “No.”
Dear Queenie,
My kids are in primary school and starting to ask questions about the difference between boys and girls.
Queenie, when should I start telling them about sex and where babies come from and things like that?—Embarrassed mother
Dear mother,
Now is when you should start giving them this information, but do not overload them with things they are not ready for. Answer their questions as briefly and specifically as you can. If they want to more than you have told them, they probably will ask – make sure to let them know you are ready and willing to answer any other questions they may have.
If you are not certain you have the correct information, do some research on-line. There are several good websites and/or printed publications that offer excellent help with this subject. You could also ask your family doctor and/or your children’s school counsellor for recommendations.
Dear Queenie,
My sister recently turned 60 and I arranged for s special birthday cake to be delivered to her at her birthday party. However, I had to have emergency surgery on the day of the party and wasn’t able to be there for it.
The next day my sister called to say how much she enjoyed the cake, but when I said I would love to have a piece of it if there was any left, she said there was a bit left and she was planning to have it for dinner. What’s more, she never came to see me in the hospital, not that day or at all while I was there.
Queenie, is it wrong of me to feel insulted?—Offended sister
Dear Sister,
The cake was your sister’s to do what she wanted with it, but it would have been nice of her to share a piece with you, especially under the circumstances of your being in the hospital.
As for her not visiting you there, some people do not deal well with such matters and find hospitals and major illness intimidating. If this really bothers you so much, ask her – gently, please – why she stayed away.
Dear Queenie,
My husband and I broke up some time ago and don’t live together anymore, but for financial reasons we are not getting a divorce. So how do I refer to myself when the question comes up in conversation? I’m not a divorcee and I’m not single, but “married” doesn’t seem quite right either.
Queenie, what would be the correct term?—Puzzled
Dear Puzzled,
Just say you are “separated” or “permanently separated” from your husband. You do not have to go into detail about why you and your husband are not divorced or in the process of getting divorced, if you do not want to.
Dear Queenie,
My parents have been divorced since I was little and every time I can remember them being in the same room with each other it ended in a shouting match, so the family started having two separate parties for every holiday and family event.
Now my 21st birthday is coming up and both of my parents have suggested that they would like to co-host a party for me, but I’m afraid it would end in another loud quarrel.
Queenie, would this be a good idea?—Frustrated daughter
Dear Daughter,
As a test, why not suggest that the three of you (and their respective spouses/partners, if any) get together to plan the party? If they refuse to do so, there is your answer. And if they do get together to make plans and things end up in another “shouting match,” again, there is your answer.
Look at the bright side: If they cannot cooperate on this one occasion, you will get to have a double celebration.
