Dear Queenie,
My girlfriend said she wanted to put on a birthday party for me and asked me what kind of party I’d like, so I told her about a surprise party my sister did for me one time, so that’s what she did – exactly the same.
Queenie, what’s so special about her doing just what I told her and not thinking up anything to surprise me?—Disappointed birthday boy
Dear Disappointed,
Did you explain to her that the fun was in being surprised? Or did she think what you wanted was the same kind of party you described to her?
Make it clear to her that for you the fun is in being surprised and you will enjoy whatever she comes up with as long as it is a surprise.
And be happy that she is willing to go to so much trouble to please you.
Dear Queenie,
A good friend of mine is also good friends with a group of women I don’t know very well. I’ve gone with her on some get-togethers with them, but we don’t really have much to say to each other.
I haven’t heard from my friend very much recently and when I asked her if I’d done something to offend her she just said she’s been busy with those other women.
Queenie, I realty miss being with my friend. What can I do?—Miss my friend
Dear Miss my friend,
This is not a matter of you not being a good friend, but just that you do not fit in with your friend’s other friends and there are more of them than there is of you.
Get together with your friend just the two of you whenever you can, and try to cultivate other friendships with other women, not her other friends, so you will not feel so isolated.
Dear Queenie,
What does it mean when your boyfriend gives you a promise ring? I’ve been showing it off to everyone, but his family haven’t seen it and don’t know about it. He says it’s because he has the habit of keeping his personal life private.
I thought a promise ring is a kind of public statement that you are engaged to get engaged.
Queenie, what does all this mean?—Confused
Dear Confused,
It could mean your boyfriend is really not quite ready to make a firm commitment to you. Or it could be that his relationships with his family are less than close and he does not want to discuss the matter with them.
Whatever the reason for this situation, you need to discuss it with your boyfriend and be quite clear as to what exactly he is “promising” with this ring.
Dear Queenie,
I had a baby in my last year of high school and another in my last year of college and I have made up my mind that I will not have any more children. However, my boyfriend wants me to have a baby with him so at least one of our kids will be his own.
He says I’m being selfish and if I won’t have his baby he won’t marry me.
Queenie, is he right?—Under pressure
Dear Under pressure,
This is not a matter of being right or wrong, it is a personal decision about what is best for you, and only you can make that decision. Discussing this with your boyfriend, and possibly professional counselling with or without him, might help you clarify that decision, and you should do so before making any permanent commitment to each other.
The question here is not who is right and who is wrong, but whether the two of you are right for each other.
Dear Queenie,
I found out that I’m pregnant recently and my husband and I are planning to tell everybody at his sister’s birthday party in a couple of weeks. However, another sister and her husband have been trying to have a baby but are having problems with it and we don’t want to hurt their feelings.
Queenie, should we tell them privately before the party so they won’t be taken by surprise?—Mother-to-be
Dear Mother-to-be,
Yes, tell them privately in advance and explain that you are doing so to try to spare their feelings.
