Dear Queenie,
My husband drinks too much and I told him I wouldn’t have any children with him until he stops but he hasn’t stopped and I want a family.
Queenie, should I divorce him if he won’t stop drinking?—Fed up
Dear Fed up,
Not starting a family until your husband gets his drinking under control is a very good idea. However, that probably is not enough to motivate him.
Threatening divorce is a drastic step and you should not make the threat unless you are willing (and able) to follow through if necessary. Before you give him that ultimatum, I suggest you try to persuade him to try Alcoholics Anonymous (see Agenda, page 2 of this newspaper). And professional counselling for yourself would also be a good idea.
Dear Queenie,
I’m going to have my first baby soon and my mother will be with me all the through, even in the delivery room. When my husband’s mother found out she insisted that she should be there too for the birth of her grandchild, but we don’t get along all that well and I really don’t want her around at a time like that.
Queenie, is there some rule of etiquette about who should be present when a baby is born?—Expectant mother
Dear Expectant,
This is not a matter of etiquette, it is a matter of what is best for the mother and the baby.
If you do not want her there, have your obstetrician (or midwife) tell your mother-in-law that it would not be good for you and your child to have too many people crowding into the delivery room.
Dear Queenie,
I don’t always dress my baby girl in pink or always in dresses. A lot of her things are pants sets or rompers in other colours and a few of them are even blue and often people who don’t know me assume she is a boy if she’s not wearing a pink dress.
So Queenie, what do I say when someone compliments me on my cute little son?—Vexed mother
Dear Vexed,
Just smile and say, “Thank you, but she is a girl!”
Dear Queenie,
Before she died my mother gave me handmade baby clothes for the child she hoped I would have someday, but I never had any children.
Queenie, I would like these things to pass down in the family, but who should I give them to and how do I ensure that they stay in the family?—Childless aunt
Dear Aunt,
Pass them along to the next child to be born in the family with a request that they later be passed along to other children as they are born.
However, although you can request that these things be kept in the family, once you have given them away you cannot control how they are cared for or what is done with them.
Dear Queenie,
I asked this girl I like for a date and she turned me down flat. I asked her why she wouldn’t go out with me and she said she would never date anyone who smokes.
Queenie, what kind of excuse is that? What do you think she really meant?—Rejected
Dear Rejected,
I think it was not an excuse. I think she really meant exactly what she said.
People who smoke are often unaware of or oblivious to the fact that the smell of cigarette (or cigar) smoke tends to cling to their clothes, skin, hair and breath. This can pose an actual health hazard to someone else who has asthma or allergies, and even without a health hazard the smell can be quite offensive to a non-smoker.
The young lady simply may not want to hang out with someone who smells like a dirty ashtray or risk ever having to kiss someone who tastes like one.
