Dear Queenie,
I am an independent woman very well off. Recently I found out that my boyfriend of 4½ years lives on a yacht with his wife and kids. Why has he wasted my life?
Now I am going to make myself pregnant by him to regain him.
What do you think of this, Queenie?—Byside
Dear Byside,
If you think I am going to condone your having an affair with a married man you are sorely mistaken. I think you should have ended this relationship as soon as you found out your boyfriend is married.
Why has he wasted your life? Because you let him get away with it.
As for getting pregnant by him, it is never a good idea to try to keep a man by getting pregnant. Doing so is just as likely to drive him away as to hold him to you. Forget it, and forget him!
Dear Queenie,
My mother’s boyfriend is an addict and has a history of abusive behaviour. He is not a sex offender as far as I know, but who knows everything about anybody? Anyway, I don’t want him anywhere near my children, but she won’t go anywhere without him.
Queenie, how do I protect my children?—Worried Mother
Dear Mother,
It is a pity to deprive your children of their grandmother’s company, but their safety comes first.
If there is someone who can protect you and your children from the boyfriend, make sure that person is present whenever your mother visits.
If not, sorry to say, you will have to cut her and her boyfriend out of your lives. However, it would be good if you could maintain some sort of long-distance contact with her, even if it is just an occasional birthday or Christmas card and/or photograph, just in case her circumstances change in the future.
Dear Queenie,
My sister copies my style of clothes and decorating her house and even her hobbies and social activities. It gets awkward when she gets compliments on things she has copied from me and acts as if they were her own idea.
I wouldn’t mind if she admitted she copied my ideas, but she doesn’t and people start to think I am copying her.
Queenie, what’s a good way to handle this?—Plagiarised
Dear Plagiarised,
To begin with, “Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery” and “Don’t sweat the small stuff.”
That said, if someone compliments her in your presence, feel free to say (pleasantly, please!) something like “Yes, I gave her the idea/showed her how to do it/introduced her to the group.”
Dear Queenie,
My mother depends on me to look after my younger brothers and sisters when we’re not in school, so I don’t have any time left over for after-school activities or socializing.
Queenie, is it selfish of me to want a life of my own?—Oldest sister
Dear Sister,
Being the oldest carries with it responsibilities, but also should include some privileges. Talk to your mother and try to work out some kind of compromise. If there is a school counsellor or teacher or other adult you can enlist for support, ask him or her to intercede on your behalf. And I wish you good luck.
Dear Queenie,
My father is in his 80s and has been getting very difficult to get along with. His doctor says he is in good health and not getting senile so it seems he just thinks getting old is a license to be rude and mean to everybody.
Queenie, how do we handle this?—Angry daughter
Dear Daughter,
When Dad starts getting difficult tell him – nicely! – that you don’t like to be around him when he gets like that. Then, if he does not lighten up, leave. Either he will learn to behave better or you will not have to put up with so much nastiness.
